Steering the Ship
by Ladybug-Jojo
Summary: Future fic... Alicia and Peter meet again at an unexpected place, the meeting is the start of a jouney for them once again. (The first few chapters are without smut but later ones include them from chapter 4 and on... though one can probably skip the sex scenes if desired, they are marked and can be left out...) Thanks to Believe2612 for help on icon picture.
1. Chapter 1

**Steering the Ship**

_Dedicated with thanks to my two asskickers who I told this idea to and really wanted to see it on paper. So here we go first chapter and there are more to come. Rating is M- though the first few chapters has no sex it will come.  
_

_I don't own The Good Wife._

* * *

**_Chapter 1 _**

**_Alicia's Pov_**

The heat had driven me here. It wasn't something I would otherwise have considered. But the heat and the fact that Zach had forgotten he had made plans with some friends had made me come here James Creek Marina. I had driven out here in the rented car, seeking the water and wind, and after a quick tour to the Mall seeing how many had gone there, I had quickly left and drove out here instead, The marina. There are lots of people here as well but it is bigger and the wind blows lightly, making it feel less claustrophobic than at the Mall. I walk along the pier, smiling at the sight of people working on their boats. Also the coming and going - boats leaving and starting their journey out on the water and others steering back to the pier. Sometimes people waiting on them smiling in reunions other times waving goodbye. It is a lovely view and one that makes me smile as I walk on. I hope I could maybe find a more quiet place down here to read or just enjoy the sun.

I pause at a huge sail boat, one of the bigger ones around here and study it. I am not exactly sure why this one caught my attention, but it did. It was beautiful and if I could choose one I would like to own myself, this one would be it. Not that I wanted to own one, I have never really been into sailing or anything. And the thought of owning a boat has never really crossed my mind, at least not other than the time years ago then I was made partner at then Lockhart/Gardner and I started to receive yachts brochures, but that was the most I had ever thought of it.

However if I was to have one, this one would be a promising candidate. I walk slowly along it, taking in what I could see from the pier. I especially loved the deck and imagined sitting there and having dinner or breakfast. And it looked promising for sunbathing too. I would love to see the inside and if it was even livable for me. Again not a thing that had ever really crossed my mind in the past.

I walked further along it to see if I could find the name anywhere just out of curiosity. The name was painted on the side with a dark blue color. And it strikes me, not because I didn't like it but because it stands out to me like the boat itself. In the middle of boats titled everything from The Rising Sun to Taylor this one was named Penelope. It wasn't a really unusual name and if it hadn't had a special meaning to me personally I wouldn't have thought much of it. But it did. It was the name of a woman I had one time, a few years after I had Grace, and had been ill with the flu had read a lot about. Ulysses' devoted and brilliant wife. I had at the time thought briefly, that it might not have been the flu, but that I was carrying Peter's and my third child, and told him if I was pregnant and it was a girl I wanted to name her that. I wasn't pregnant and never had another child so the name never came to use but it stayed with me as one of those "if it ever came to be" - that would have been the name I would have used. Which was why it also made me smile now with a hint of melancholy. It had been such a long time ago, almost like another life.

Now my children were grown up and both going to college not living close to me anymore. Peter and I were divorced and I worked my ass off as State's Attorney myself now, the same job that had been Peter's future hope goal back then, one he had wanted to achieve.

Well at least I was the SA, for now I was still considering if I should stay in that or run for Senate or Congress at the next midterm election in a year. I wasn't sure. After all my entry into the political game myself had come late. But I didn't regret it. I had needed the change from the law I had gone back into after Peter's scandal.

Most say you shouldn't make big changes until a year after a tragedy. I had never really seem to follow that. I stopped working to be a stay at home mom after my father passed away, swearing my life to my family to not lose a moment better spent with them than work. I went back to work though more by force needing the money to take care of my kids when my now ex- husband was caught with his pants down, though the ex part only came later. And I changed my path in life no longer wanting the law when Will had died, that was also when Peter's and my final break came. Though he was the one making it formal, I had already cut him off asking for a marriage in name only. One he first accepted but not that much later called it quit by asking for a divorce. Yes, my big changes always seemed to follow other great shake ups in my life.

I stand there at the pier a little looking at Penelope, before I start to walk again, checking my watch. Zach would still be busy with his friends. I had come to visit for a few days taking a few days extra days off in connection to labors day. Not that it was easily done with my job, but Geneva had insisted. And Zach had stayed in DC at an internship over the summer so I hadn't seen him in months and thought I would go see him now, missing him terrible. My son all grown up. He of course was happy I came and we spend yesterday together but today he was off with friends and girlfriend again. I know it isn't true but I did feel a little like it might not have been the best of plans and he would actually rather have spend the holiday with his friends and classmates. Grace was busy too and wouldn't join us down here but she had at least come home to spend a few weeks with me back in Chicago over the summer, before making her way to Hartford, where she had an internship. She studied up there as well, having chosen to go to Yale, to follow her father's footsteps instead of mine.

I walk on lost in my own thoughts when I hear someone calling my name, first I brush it off, after all Alicia isn't an uncommon name so it is probably to someone else, after all I don't really know anyone, I could imagine running into here. So I just continue to walk. But the person calls out again, and this time I do stop and look around, turning around as well to look from where I came. The person calls again and I hold the hand up to give a little shadow trying not to get blinded by the sun. Finally I catch the motion of someone waving at me, standing at the deck of the exact same boat I had just admired. I start to walk back, but the person, a man, now having caught my attention moves and with an elegance jump from the deck to the pier intending on joining me. He takes long strides toward me. And I halt in my walk as I realize who it is. The breath is catching in my throat and I try to make any sense of this. As I certainly didn't expect to meet him here of all places. But that isn't the only thing, it is also his looks. It might have been a little or more than a little time since I saw him last, but I still could not ever in my wildest mind have imagined the change in him. My ex-husband, Peter, who as he comes closer I have to catch myself in wondering why the ex is there in that name. Though it sounds horribly superficial. But he looks very well, and I haven't been in a relationship for years actually not at all since we split up. He comes closer until he stops right in front of me.

"Wow it is you, I thought it was, but with the distance..." He smiles gently and a bit sheepishly at me. He looks to consider something, suddenly looking uncomfortable and a lot like I feel. Insecure and not really knowing how to act or greet each other. I nod slowly, while I try to keep myself from staring. He is sunburned, and looks like he has actually spent a lot of time on the water. The silver is more distinctive in his raven locks, than it was in the past, but now with it windblown it only adds to his attraction and charm. His arms and shoulders look broader than I remember and it might just be me but he looks like he had spent time working out and blowing off steam, to such a degree, where I suddenly wonder how he thinks I look. As I have done neither and where he looks fresh and full of energy, I am sure I have dark lines under my eyes speaking of lack of sleep and stress. He looks like he is five years younger and I suddenly fear I look ten years older. Something I quickly shrug off not wanting to dwell on at all.

He looks like he is considering something until he sighs and steps forward and the next second I am pulled into a warm hug. One I gladly but a little awkwardly return. His embrace is warm and tight for a second and I feel like something pulls in me to hug him closer. It might be the sudden longing for human contact that is stirring in me like something primal. Something beside the occasional hugs I get from my kids when I see them. But this is different, it is one of those hugs that shows and speaks of the intimacy we have shared for decades of years in the past, though it hasn't been the last few. Still it is familiar and something I must have needed and longed for more than I knew.

However Peter pulls back much too soon for my liking. Though I am a bit unsure why I like snuggling up in my ex-husband's arms that much suddenly, but I do or rather did. I step back trying to hid the blush I feel creeping up my cheeks, and stand suddenly awkwardly in front of him not sure what to say now. His eyes warm brown stings my heart in an all too familiar way that shouldn't be right now. Yet it is. And I suddenly realize how lonely I have been the last year since Grace left for college, too. No real friends or family around, just work and an occasional visit from Owen and my mother. But it is a huge difference when so many years had been filled with kids and Peter. He smiles at me.

"What are you doing here?" he asks clearly curious, and he isn't the only one, I am as well. Sure I can remember Grace having mentioned he bought a boat, but I had imagined some small one not a yacht. And surely not one as big as this.

I shrug my shoulders, considering an answer.

"I'm visiting Zach, and he is out with some friends. So I decided to come here... trying to cool off by the water... The Mall was a crowd you wouldn't believe. But what about you? What are you doing here?" I ask, giving him a gentle smile.

"I have been seeing Zach earlier this week and had a meeting in town yesterday so took a couple of days more. I am set to leave again tomorrow morning..." He offered and I nod, unsure what to say otherwise. It feels weird meeting like this, not having seen each other for more than a year, last time was Grace's graduation. And we are now standing here acting like almost strangers though also so familiar. And I really don't know how to break the tension though I wish I did. Finally I settle on his boat, the very same I had admired only moments before.

"I assume it is yours. Grace did mention you having gotten a boat but I thought she meant a small one..." I tell him and he sends me a slightly cocky smile that makes my heart beat a bit faster than expected.

"Yeah I bought her. After..." He pauses and sighs, before continuing and I squint for a second, unsure what he will say.

"After first Jackie died, thank you for the flowers by the way, and then losing the election I needed to find something. So I started learning to sail and bought her for some of the money Jackie left me" He explains. "I've only had her for a few months here over the summer.. but sailed most days so I have practiced steering her... and I also started to learn and took the certification before I brought her." He explains and I nod, my eyes widen slightly.

"I am so sorry about both Peter I hope you know that... I wanted to come to the funeral but I wasn't sure if it would be appropriate..." I tell him while bowing my head. I know how much she had meant to him, and I know he must be missing her terribly. Like I missed my dad. And for all her faults I would also miss my mother if she died.

"Thank you. You should have, I wanted to ask you to come but I wasn't sure how it would be received." He answers with a sigh and I nod, realizing how we have once more misunderstood and missed the steps and needs of the other. Apparently something we have become very adept at after all we went through. And it sometimes scares me, especially because we were once the exact opposite. Once we always knew exactly what the other needed and thought. And I have to admit I miss that, I miss having someone like that, having him like that. I should just have followed my instinct and gone to Jackie's funeral and hugged him and been his pillar of strength like he was mine when my dad died, like I hope he would be if my mother or Owen died. What I wish sometimes he had been and I had let him be when Will died. But that I could never have expected or really wanted (I had kept telling myself that) because he could never understand my grief back then. So pushing him back and away was smartest there but it didn't change my feelings. And the little part of me that wished I had let him comfort me and be there.

I sigh now and once more stand awkwardly, glancing at him one second before avoiding his dark eyes the next. Dark eyes that seem to be trying to read me. And that scares me as I have never liked being read, well that is not true I once liked being read by Peter a lot, but now it makes me unsure. What if he suddenly after all did see what I was thinking and feeling what would that mean? It couldn't bring any good with it could it?

* * *

_There you go the start of this hope you like it as I love writing it. This chapter was originally longer but cutted it in two part two will be posted tomorrow. I don't sail myself, or have a boat and don't know much about it but I research some, and some in my family sail and have boats and I have been on a few trips... but yeah most is fictional and what I can get from online research. _


	2. Chapter 2

_As promised part two... and still a huge thank you to the two that kicks my behind... it is clearly paying off... _

_I don't own the good wife... (Is that really a surprise by now?) _

* * *

**Chapter 2**

I look at her, trying to get her to meet my gaze but she is good at avoiding it. Not that it should be a surprise. I once told her I was able to tell when she was lying, but she had become a pro at it now I couldn't read her anymore. It wasn't completely true, I still had been able to and even now I had a sense of it, if she would just really look at me and let me look at her, I could maybe read what was going on in her mind. It had been a year since I saw her last. And that feels weird when we once upon a time saw each other every day and fell asleep besides each other sharing a bed every night. But ever since our divorce our meetings have been sparely happening and the last only because Grace graduated.

I had never in my wildest mind imagined seeing her here on the pier. It was a good surprise, because I do miss her. I probably always will and I have accepted that. Accepted that no other woman can ever really replace her in my heart and life. Though she would run as fast as she could if I told her that, I know her well enough to know that as well. So yeah seeing her is a pleasant surprise, though I wish I could take her in my arms and whip the dark tired lines away from under her eyes.

I don't like seeing her looking exhausted, and I wonder what has brought it on. It is as painful now as it was when I had to watch her falling apart in her grief over Will. That was hard because it was over another man but also because it was horrible watching her sad. I don't like seeing her cry and I never have.

It sounds ironic as I am probably the one that that hurt her the most and tore her apart more than once, by betraying her. But it is the truth, seeing Alicia in pain, tired or falling apart always rips into me, and I want to take it away, I want to make her feel better but ever since I was the one to hurt her, I haven't been able to really reach her and give her the healing balm she would need.

Other than the fatigue coloring her face she looks amazing, she always has. And I was an idiot and bastard when I hurt her when I thought screwing a hooker and co-worker was a smart idea, when I preferred that over her. I must have been insane or something though that is only a poor man's excuse. Truth was I was egoistic and stupid forgetting how lucky I was being the husband of her.

Now here she stands before me, clearly warm from the sun, the her hair sticking to her neck and getting slightly humid with sweat, and it shouldn't be attractive but it is. It makes it curl lightly and reminds me of then she was younger and always had curls. She is wearing a white blouse with no sleeves and a black skirt, and I can only imagine, she is regretting the too warm clothes not befitting the weather. But she still stays with it. And does all she can not to show that she might be bothered. I wonder briefly why she hasn't worn some sundress instead. But I guess it is years ago since she had last relaxed like that out in public.

I hear her mumble and is about to ask her to repeat, when I catch what she said. How she had never been on a sailboat clearly thinking out loud, and I wonder when her mind has gone there, but I know I have completely lost my manners by not inviting her to join me on the boat.

"Where are my manners? Would you like a tour on the boat? I am not hiding sea-monsters or anything on it." I offer her with a light wink, making her smile and grin, and thankfully breaking the tension.

"No Baby Nessie?" she jokes and I laugh but shake my head.

"Nope, no Baby Nessie or Daddy Nessie, either." I tell her with a low chuckle, while I hold out my arm indicating for her to follow me. She walks beside me back to the boat, where I jump over at the deck and hold my hand out, so she can take it. She hesitates for a second before grabbing it. She laces her fingers with mine so I can easily help her cross the distance. Feeling her soft skin against my rough hand is making my stomach tightening for a second.

I help her climb over to the boat gripping her waist as she stumbles a little but quickly letting go of her again and stepping away, for some reason I don't really want to be too close to her, even though I also don't want to let go. It is dangerous territory especially when I know it is one sided and she would hate even the thought. There is after all a reason we are divorced and not together anymore. I guide her over the boat. First showing her the deck, and the benches up here, before taking her downstairs and showing her the cabins there and the bedrooms. I tell her a little about some of the shorter trips I have taken with the kids, and sometimes their friends. She teases me on taking all the young people out but it is pleasant spending time together in light chatter. There is only one moment where we are trying to pass each other on the way out of the bedroom going through the door at the same time where we both stumble a bit and her body is suddenly pressed tightly against mine. For a few seconds I stare at her face, her eyes huge and looking at me as she is wetting her lips with her tongue, almost like she thinks I am about to kiss her, but I sake my head it can't be that and I turn away. I let her pass first, before following her. While I wonder what happened in that moment. After the tour around I bring some juice for us up on the deck offering her a glass of the yellowish drink, which she takes and drinks, thanking me. I pour her another glass which she slowly sips while I ask her about her work and we talk a little of how she is doing and what she thinks of it.

I listen and try to tell her of my own experiences from the past and she asks me of my plans, if I really have given up on politics or if I am just taking a break, something I shrug off lightly.

"I honestly don't know... I haven't decided yet. So far I am concentrating on sailing and a few speeches I have had once in a while but I might go back. I don't think I am finished yet, but I want to see where things take me... how it all shapes out. After all with my past it is harder."

I tell her and she nods slowly.

"I guess that makes sense... so you are just spending time here so far?" She asks and I shrug my shoulders.

"Not really, I was only here for the last few days. Like I said earlier I plan on sailing tomorrow... probably just back where I normally have left her in Tidewater Marina further up north at Havre de Grace. This place here I can only borrow a big enough slip for her for transitions." I tell her and she nods slowly.

"Isn't that a bit of a long drive to get to your boat? I mean you usually live in Philadelphia right? Grace mentioned it. Of course it would be even longer if it was here I guess." She says and I shrug my shoulders.

"Not that bad as you said I usually in Philadelphia and an hour and a half is okay. I did consider moving to New Heaven or DC itself, but the kids didn't appreciate my desire to be so much closer to them, though they never said it I could sort of feel it, now they live their own lives. So instead I settled for a place in the middle between them both. Plus I have few times held a lecture at the university." I tell her making her raise a confused eyebrow.

"Are you considering teaching?" She asks clearly not sure what I meant with that, and I quickly shakes my head.

"No, not for real. But I have been asked to hold a few speeches there some times. But no I would not do it permanently. But apparently I still have the youth appeal, it might be the prison and change of life background." I sigh and she nods slowly.

"Makes sense I guess. Do you see them often now having moved here, the kids I mean?" She asks and I shrug my shoulders.

"Not, that much but sometimes over the weekends... it is certainly easier keeping up with them here than from Springfield or Chicago. Have you ever considered it... moving?" I ask her and she shrugs it off, clearly not wanting to talk about it.

"Not really but sometimes... and when I do show up and it feels more like I am intruding... I know it isn't true but they have their own full lives and that is hard to get used to." She sighs. And we both sit there in silence for a moment thinking of our kids now all grown up, and how lonely it sometimes feels them not really needing our protection and guidance anymore, having lives we are not really a part of.

"So you won't be here tomorrow? I had hoped you planned on staying to Monday so I could maybe get a tour while Zach sees his friends again... I thought that might ease his burden. " she mumbles and breaks the silence. I stare at her in surprise. I had never thought she would actually like to join me for a sail, and for a few seconds I consider offering to stay for a few days more so she could get her tour, but I long to sail Penelope a bit longer than just outside the pier and the waters of Anacostia river. And then another thought strikes me. It is risky and she will probably refuse but it is worth the try. If she does say no it is probably better in the long run. After all the years are gone when I arranged my plans and needs around Alicia and if I started now it will only mean more heartbreak but the last few hours spent with her talking and joking have been liberating. Honestly I can't remember when we last were this much at ease with each other and spend time like this. So I decide to ask.

"Do you want to come with me? I will only sail along the coast first down Anacostia and later Potomac river and then up along Chesapeake Bay up to Havre de Grace. It is a beautiful trip. And there a few places along the way I can lay in if you need to go back." I offer while her eyes widen in shock.

"I can't... I only have a few days off... And Zach... I can't..."

I nod I expected the refusal but it was worth a try and I suddenly don't want to give up that easy.

"When did you last have a real vacation where you relaxed Alicia?" I ask.

And she shrugs her shoulders once more, clearly not having a really good answer and I am not surprised at all. I would have been more surprised if she actually had an idea. I am pretty sure she never took one while we were still married after she started to work again, and I am even more sure she hasn't taken one after. It wouldn't seem like her. The most is probably a long weekend to see the kids, and knowing her, she will still have her phone and check in all the time. I know her because she is a lot like me in that way. In the past she sometimes had to pry the phone out of my hands. Of course that was the time I was taking her for granted. But I don't have much trouble imaging Alicia the same way now.

"Then come with me Alicia, as old friends." I add to make clear to her I am not hinting anything romantic, it honestly isn't my intention but I like the thought of us being able to be friends and the last few hours we have seemed like it.

"You can relax. Have you ever been out on the sea and felt how relaxing and peaceful it is? Listened to the water lull you to sleep, it is magical..." I tell her and look into her eyes, taking in how they glimmer. I know her well enough to realize a part of her does want to go, but she is holding herself back, she always is. Or at least I hurt her enough in the past to make a part of her always hold back now.

She shakes her head in refusal.

"I can't. It just isn't possible. Thank you for the offer but I can't. Not right now. I am here to see Zach and I need to go back to Chicago in a few days... I can't just sail off out on the water, with you. No matter if it sounds tempting or relaxing." She says her voice harder now. I know she has had time to collect her thoughts and make up the refusing arguments and do so well. I sigh and nod, knowing I can't rebuff her arguments when she gets like that. Sets her mind on something and is determined in her case.

"Okay if that is what you want but you should consider it. You seem like you could use a vacation and a real one." I tell her and she nods slowly before shaking it off.

"I should be getting back. I need to meet up with Zach... thank you for the tour Peter, it is a lovely boat. Also thank you for the drinks. It was nice." She offers as she starts to get up and I know my invite has pushed her and made her decide it is time to leave. It isn't a shock not really, it is one I should have expected. After all it is Alicia, the one I probably created then I broke her heart. There is a reason I for years didn't dare to push her much and left most of what we did or didn't do in her hands, knowing it could easily make her bolt. I stand up with her to say goodbye. I wish I could make her stay, her company has been enjoyable and I loved talking with her again and spending time together. I suddenly realize how badly I wish she would take my offer, and come with me. I know it would just be as friends and for a limited time. But she was once my best friend and she still is the best and closest friend I ever had. The confident that knew me the most of all.

I follow her over to the edge and help her over to the pier though it suddenly seems more awkward and uncomfortable because she seems stiff as I touch her. And like she doesn't really want to take my help but still can't refuse it.

"Say "Hi" to Zach from me. And thank you for today it was nice seeing you again." I offer her as a goodbye, while considering if I should hug her again or not, but something holds me back now, maybe the thought that she would refuse the hug in this moment, other hugs of the past where she was tense in my arms crossing my mind. She nods gently.

"I will and thank you for today. Good trip tomorrow." She answers and pauses before adding. "Be careful Peter..." She whispers, and I nod, looking at her confused, she is looking down as she says it avoiding my gaze and there is a strange tension in the air again. The next second it is gone and she looks up again and smiles at me. In that second I can't help it.

"I will take off 6.30 am if you reconsider be here at that time..." I offer her and her eyes widen.

"So early? Why?" She asks clearly confused.

"Because it is the sunrise. And I like to sail in that... it is beautiful." I explain before adding:

"Alicia come with me. You won't regret it." I suddenly whisper my voice low with timbre, I have stepped over to her on the pier and I catch her hand and squeeze it lightly, and it suddenly seems a lot less friendly than the original invite had been, and a lot more romantic. But yet I hope she won't pull away. But she doesn't, not at first for a few seconds she just stares at me and I can read in her mossy green glimmering eyes a part of her is close to saying yes to agreeing, but then they grow dark, and she pulls her hand out of mine as she shakes her head again refusing.

"Goodbye Peter..." She whispers and turns around leaving me standing there on the pier. I let a sigh escape my lips while I wonder why I even bother. But she is and will always be the mate of my heart. Why I can still apparently let myself wish her back, wish us back to what we once was, and if not getting her back, then at least wish to be in her presence, and wanting to hold onto how that feels a bit longer.

I get back on board and go back to what I had been doing, preparing for sailing tomorrow, before Alicia, my very own siren drew me to her again.

It is almost the time I said I would take off yesterday when I gave Alicia one last option to join me. Yet I am nowhere near leaving, well okay everything is ready and set to go but I am still here not having taken the line yet. I am somehow set on waiting to the last second in some delusional hope that Alicia would end up changing her mind and join me after all. I look over and smile at the sun starting to rise. It is as beautiful as I told her and yet it doesn't make me smile and warm me like it normally has all the other days. This time it seems silly, some romantic notion. One you are told as a child is romantic and you should appreciate, but in the end is just a stupid cliché like all the others. I look at the pier and along it. Other boats are taking off. Couples that smile at the beauty in front of them. Because it is beauty, just not one I can appreciate right now. I sigh deeply. I know she won't show up and I am a fool.

I close my eyes for a second then open them decided and ready. After all I divorced her to not wait around for her anymore, not being happy. We had both deserved happiness and apparently could never again find it with each other. Since I betrayed and lost her, I have always been alone in wanting something between us, something that isn't there anymore, but is easy to image when seeing her and smiling with her. It is actually easy to think of that as happy and trick myself into thinking, she is happy in my company as well. However she once made clear she lost me when I betrayed her and I know I lost her there as well. So I walk over to loosen the rope so I can take off. The sea will calm my aching heart it was after all why I had fallen for sailing in the first place. I am just stepping back over at the boat when I hear a voice that makes me freeze.

"Wow, you were not lying, it truly is magnificent." I spin around and meet Alicia's eyes that nervously flicker between my face and the ground.

"Does the offer still stand?" She asks, and I notice the bag in her hand. I nod almost in shock, but move to the pier again to take the bag for her.

"Yes of course... I didn't think..." I stop myself, as our fingers brush, and she quickly lets go of the bag to move her hand away from mine. I grab it fast while considering what to say. However I don't manage to say anything as she takes over.

"I changed my mind. Of course if you meant your offer."

I smile and nod at her.

"Of course, it stands, come on. Do you have more baggage?" I offer and she nods quickly.

"Yeah, one more in my car. I will go get it... I know, I am a bit late but the traffic..." She babbles and I am not sure if it is real or just an excuse but it doesn't matter.

"Okay no problem do you need help carrying it?" I offer but she quickly shakes her head.

"No if you will take that one, it is fine... I'll be right back!" and she rushes off to get her other bag while I smile and step back on board, looking at the sun. I'm suddenly in a better mood. Today will be good, and I can only hope the trip will be as well.

* * *

_Okay this isn't the end far from it is just the beginning... and yes still no sex it will come probably around chapter 4... Chapter 3 is written by the so shouldn't be too long before an other update. Hope you still like and are with me... _


	3. Chapter 3

_Ass kicker and beta you two rocks... thanks for making me write and encurage me to do so:D  
_

_(Also thanks for the reviews and follows) _

_I dont own The Good Wife_

* * *

**Chapter 3**

I pick up my small luggage from the trunk while taking a deep breath. I hope I did the right thing. That I made the smart choice here in joining him. I am not sure I did, but this morning it felt like it was. And the way my heart seemed to beat faster at his warm smile when I said I had decided to join him after all told me it was as well. But still I feel unsure. I still have time to regret and not go but I won't I will join him, after all it is just a friendly vacation. Yesterday I had refused but the evening spent with Zach and May, his girlfriend, made me reconsider. They more than once mentioned some party it wasn't to make me feel bad I knew that but it was clear they had both wanted to attend but didn't feel like they could because I was there as well. So I had considered it back and forth, and after another phone call made to check in with one of the ASA's I had realized the striking truth, that Peter was right. I didn't have vacations not even now a few days seeing Zach. I still didn't relax. So I talked to my son trying to figure out what he would prefer, of course he didn't say I should go, actually he had said the opposite. But when I told him I was considering joining on a small sail tour down Potomac river, he said it sounded fun and I should do that, that I could use the time to relax. I'd left out the part with Peter though the look in my son's eyes had told me he might have suspected it. But not surprising he didn't confront me with it. If it had been Grace she would have, but Zach never really seemed to have done that.

I hadn't even managed to backtrack after that as he convinced me I should go and it would be good for me. So I had packed, had dinner with Zach and gotten to bed early and checked out of my hotel early this morning to manage to make it to the time Peter had told me he would leave at. I had wanted to call him to tell him I was joining after all but didn't have his number. So here I was, going to sail with my ex-husband. I don't think I have ever run off to somewhere before and it feels like what I am doing right now.

I have called the car-rental service I borrowed the car from and agreed with them they will come and get the car here. And I will send them the keys. I pull the luggage behind me back to Peter's ship where he takes it for me and brings it on board before turning to help me, but I am better dressed for this than yesterday so I have already jumped over to join him, making him give me a smile.

"I will just put this downstairs, do you have a sweater or jacket? It might be a bit cold here to start with..." He asks me and I nod.

"Yeah I have one in the bag I already gave you I will go get it... where did you put it?" I ask and he motions for me to follow him downstairs. He leads me to the front bedroom it is smaller than the one I know he has in the back but the bed is probably better than one of those in the sides, and I didn't really expect him to give me his bed. I would have refused if he had.

"I hope this is okay. If you think the swaying is too much let me know and we can switch or something." He offers and I nod.

"It is fine... thank you I will just grab my sweater. Is there something you want me to help you with leaving, like setting sail?" I offer.

"No, I will handle it this time... we won't set sail in here, I will when we get out on Potomac. I can teach you some things like that and steering if you want along the trip. Good you have better footwear on than yesterday. Otherwise I would have offered you a pair of deck shoes." He tells me and cast a quick look down on my white sneakers.

"Yeah I had a pair with me. And I think it is good as I am not sure I could fit into a pair of yours." I grin at him while he shakes his head at me.

"Smart ass. Grace has a pair she left here so if you need extra they are in there." He points toward a small cupboard, and I nod.

"Okay thank you, it might be nice to have something to change into. I guess that is one good thing with having a grown daughter being able to fit into her shoes." I smile.

"Well do you want to unpack a bit or come see the rest of the sunrise while I get us on the water?" He offers.

"See the sunrise, I can always unpack later." I tell him, and follow him up again.

I take a seat on one of the benches near the wheel, as I see Peter taking the line and starting to move around with an ease and spring in his steps I have to think long back to remember last seeing at him. I am watching him trying to figure out what he is doing but it is hard. However I find it fascinating and especially how fluent he seems at it to me. It doesn't take long before he joins me back where I am. I can hear the roaming from the motor. I try to follow all the things he is checking and doing but I don't understand a thing. However I do get his concentration that he needs to focus on this, nothing left to circumstances. A part of me is fascinated by how he seems to control this with such elegance and I am probably more focused on his face and his fingers both here and when he moves around, than what is actually happening because the next second I realize we are actually sailing. That we are leaving the slip and the pier slowly but steadily. The boat being turned, and starting to move forward. I stop looking at him and instead take in the surroundings. He wasn't kidding yesterday sailing this early is beautiful. I am suddenly incredible glad I joined him. The beauty is astonishing. And something I feel like I will remember to my dying day. The way he turns the boat and steers out from the marina it feels like he is sailing us straight into the sunrise. The water is glimmering and I don't think I have ever seen anything more beautiful. It isn't long before he turns the boat again so the sunrise is to our backs.

"I am sorry we are sailing away from it. But we are leaving Anacostia river. While sailing at Potomac it will be on the port." He explains to me while quickly looking at me. I can see he is casting quick glances between me and our line of direction. I nod slowly at his answer while looking confused, so he quickly adds

"Port mean's left side on a boat then you stand on the bridge and looks out over the bow. Right is starboard."

"Okay, that way... thank you... I never really figured the terms out..." I tell him while I pull my sweater a bit closer, a part of me would love to step up behind him and let his broad body shield me against the breeze, but I don't, after all it would be completely inappropriate and it doesn't make any sense that I suddenly long to do that. I shake it off and instead get more comfortable and look around taking in what we are passing and enjoying the fresh air blowing against my face. It doesn't take long before Peter puts the motor in neutral and I see him moving around again on the deck. I try to follow what he is doing but I can't. I just know he is setting the sail. I take in how it stands out and how he moves around. Then he comes back to me. We don't speak much but when we do he is often explaining a few of the things, he does to me, though I still don't understand much: like how he is steering the sail and checking the wind so it gives us the best conditions.

"I will go over it again slowly, and maybe while we don't sail and teach you how to do it, if you want... It takes some practice and tries to catch it. It did for me as well." He offers then he seems to catch that I still don't get all of what he is doing and I smile.

"I would like to learn it for real at some point and yeah maybe while we are not sailing so I can see it more than one time, before doing it on open water. Peter I have wondered shouldn't we wear life coats or something?" I ask him, what I have been thinking of ever since we passed close by another ship a few minutes before.

"Well I have some on board if you want, but I don't often wear one, and I can fully control her if that is what you worry about. But if you want I can get you one." He offers me and I shrug my shoulders.

"No, it is fine if you don't think it is needed what do I know." I tell him and he smiles at me quickly before turning his focus back on the water and the boat. I look around some more. Later I go downstairs to make us some coffee and bring it up to him along with croissants I found he had gotten for breakfast. He keeps standing where he is in control of the boat and changes the angle of the sail if he deems it needed. Sometimes he moves across the deck. Even while he is drinking his coffee and eats his croissant. We chat about Zach and what his plans might be when he finishes college, but none of us know. I had hoped he might but I learn Zach has said nothing to him either. Along the morning I find a book and start to read, enjoying the sail when I realize Peter neither expects nor really wants to talk all the time. He is attentive to me but it is in a pleasant not pressuring way. I sit in the back with him while I read and we make small talk from time to time, but he seems to enjoy our silence for once as much as I do. I had thought it would be weird, and uncomfortable but it isn't we are actually seemingly at ease with it this time.

So we continue like it all through the morning and to noon. I wonder at one point what he is planning to do for lunch and what he would do if it was just him. He might have sensed my thoughts as he seemed start moving around again and taking the sail and only use the motor for a bit as he moves us into lower water where he actually pauses the boat looking at some screen of some kind, and sets the anchors. I wonder briefly why we are stopping or if something is wrong but I do trust him to guide us out here. I might not have trusted him in our marriage ever since he betrayed me at least not for real. However to my shock I realize I trust him completely out here on the boat. He wouldn't let anything happen to it or to me.

"Are you hungry?" He asks and I nod.

"Starving, the croissants were great but not much food in them. Do you want me to make us something?" I offer and he smiles.

"Nahh I got it why don't you bring plates and silverware up here and we can eat in the sun and maybe take a swim after..." he offers and I stare at him, while I realize something.

"I thought you were not allowed to go into the water until an hour after you have eaten?" I excuse it with, and he stares at me before grinning.

"That is a myth Alicia..." He laugh and I stare at him not completely sure, plus I had just thought I had found a way out of the swimming question.

"Still Peter, since so many said it there might be some truth to it and we can't reach the bottom out here. It is deep!" I argue and he shrugs his shoulders clearly not intending on arguing that one with me.

"True so maybe we will take a break later... but first let's get some lunch." He offers and joins me downstairs where I get silverware and some water for us both that I bring upstairs while he is making us lunch. We eat lunch and take off again. He starts the boat and sets sail again while I clean up after our meal. I am not sure I would like to do this as much as he seems to, maybe it is the setting sail part I don't get. Maybe that's what the fun part is rather than using a motor. I guess I need to ask him about that at some point. He has listened to me and what I said earlier about swimming right after eating. He has told me to not wash up as we shouldn't waste clean water on it while out on the river and not sure then we will get more. So I just pack it away, before joining him up on the deck again, where I continue to read and enjoy the sun shine. At one point just laying back on the bench to enjoy the sun and sunbath for a bit.

"Do you want me to bring something up for you so you can lay on the deck?" Peter offers but I refuse, this is enough for now.

He doesn't pause in the afternoon like he had mentioned instead we sail for many hours in a slow but steady pace the wind and Peter moving us along, I think I might have fallen asleep at some point because the sun is lower when I open my eyes again.

"Hey sleepy head!" Peter greets me with a grin and I smile at him while I blink my eyes a few times as I sit up.

"Hey, I am sorry I fell asleep!" I tell him and he shakes his head.

"No worries it is good you are relaxing I was thinking of pausing soon so we could go swimming... I really could use a trip in the water." He grins while fanning himself and I can see he's warm from baking all day in the sun. Not that I am not, but I am still uneasy trying to find a way out of the swimming situation. I know he would never pressure me to actually join him in the water if I don't want but still telling him I can have been this stupid is not the funniest thing.

However sooner than later I am confronted with it as he steers us in again, and goes through the same procedure I saw him do at lunch time until the boat is stopped. He goes downstairs and comes back up changed into his swim-trunks as well as carrying a couple of towels. He looks surprised to see that I am still sitting at the deck not having changed my clothes or anything.

"You are really not much in the mood for swimming today are you?" He teases me while I stare at his chest, I was correct in my assumption yesterday. He has been working out, and the sun and water is clearly setting its footprints on his body, which is broad and tan. I lick my lips without noticing it and wonder if it would feel the same as it once did to run my fingers over his chest now as it has in the past. But I push the thought away quickly.

"It's not that..." I mumble instead and he looks at me tilting his head.

"Alicia what is it? I know you can swim, I actually remember you took lessons and competed and won competitions when you were a kid. So I know you are a very good swimmer and it might have been years ago but I doubt you forgot it. As I also know you often took the kids swimming in the past. So what is it?" He asks while taking a seat beside me and I let out a sigh.

"I didn't bring any swim wear. I hadn't brought any with me to DC and I didn't think about it yesterday when deciding to join you." I let out with a sigh. As it really does annoy me that I could be that forgetful. Peter however starts to laugh.

"The swim naked Alicia... it isn't like anyone will see out here." He offers and I stare at him with wide eyes. No there might not be others that would see but he will. I raise an eyebrow at him and he stares back at me, and roll his eyes.

"You do know I have seen you naked a million times right? I am not saying it isn't weird with what we are now, but Alicia if you want to swim then do so... don't let that pause you. Or just swim in your underwear..." He explains and I stare at him again. I do want to swim the water is looking tempting and I am warm but swimming naked with my ex-husband is in every way awkward.

"Fine but only if you agree to stay on the other side of the boat than I am..." I decide after all even if I keep my underwear on white lace is as see through as if I was naked. He shrugs his shoulders.

"As you wish... I will jump in and swim to the other side and you can just join me when you are ready okay? I just need to get the ladder set up so we can get up again." He tells me and I nod. I take in how he hangs a ladder down the side of the boat and throws out a life buoy in case. Before he jumps into the water I see him take some small beginning leaps and calls out to him.

"Is it cold?"

"No, not really. It is great... come in Alicia..." He grins. I hurry downstairs quickly. I consider finding some other underwear but I still haven't unpacked, and can't remember which bag I put it in, and I don't want to be too long either. So instead I just quickly take off my clothes placing them on the bed before hurrying back up.

I look around to each side but I can't see him anywhere. I quickly cross the deck as fast as I can. While starting to call out.

"Peter! Where are you?" But I don't get an answer, I look to each side and can't catch sight of him. I call out his name again hoping he is just teasing me or something, but I still can't hear him. A deep fear starts to take hold of me, but I brush it off. It is nothing. It has to be nothing.

"Peter... can you hear me?" I call again higher this time, and still don't get an answer and now I am really getting scared. Forgotten is my near nakedness and without thinking I jump over the side of the boat diving into the dark water. I surface again and start to take deep strokes while looking to both my sides. I take fast and quick strokes to get to the other side of the boat while calling for him again. I try to control my breathing and not panic but fear is rising in me. Nothing can have happened to him... it just can't. I don't know why it terrifies me so extremely but it does. And I am more scared than I can ever remembering being before as I dive into the deep darkness again to search for him under water.

* * *

_I know I know i am mean and that was a bad cliffhanger... I promise I am not THAT mean... (and more so next chapter is written and is with my beta it won't be a long wait, I purposely left out posting this until the other was done) _

_Side note still don't know much about sailing myself I asked my cousin for a few things regarding motor power and then you set sail and such, and hope it works with the story... I really am trying to do a bit of research..._


	4. Chapter 4

_There you go chapter 4 already... i know the other cliffhanger was mean... but here you have the solution... _

_I don't own the good wife._

_and as always a huge thank you to my awesome Beta, and to my dedicated ass kicker, who is keeping me on my toes and not letting me go without writing for many days. _

* * *

**Chapter 4**

I return above water taking a deep breath, while trying to get the water out of my ears. I had dived down to check something on the chain of the anchor. However the next second I am pushed into the sea again, by a couple of hands making me gasp for air.

"You stupid ass how could you!" Alicia hisses at me while she keeps pushing at my chest and shoulders. I use my leg movements to keep me above water as I try to get hold of her arms and body. I don't get what is going on but she seems furious and panicked. I worry if something has happened to her. Plus her furious movements scares me if she uses up to much energy she risks feeling the cold of the water too late. I also wonder why she is suddenly on my side of the boat when she was so persistent ten minutes ago of me not seeing her.

I get a hold of her hands that are still beating me and grab her waist with my other hand kicking hard and deep in the water to make sure we are both staying above.

"Hey... hey what is wrong?" I ask her trying to calm her down. But she is furiously trying to struggle against me, I let go of her arms and with one arm mange to take enough hard strokes to get us over to the life buoy which I grab onto and pull Alicia with me. She seems to have stopped the anger and hitting of me. However her breathing is hurried, almost panicked and the look on her face is one that is a mix of worry, fear and anger. The next second as I get eye contact with her, she buries her face into my neck, hugging me tight to her.

"How could you do that... You promised never to hurt me again. " She whispers against the skin of my neck, making me gulp at the close contact to her, and the warmth of her breath. It is arousing and I can't be thinking of that right now. Not when I need to focus on calming her down. I don't understand what is going on at all, but the best I can do with my one arm that is wrapped around her and holding her up is to stroke her back. She has wrapped her arms around my neck and that is making it easier to hold her up. I rub her back, trying to calm her down. She must sense my troubles and fears of not holding her up enough as she wraps her long legs around me to hold herself above water with my body. Something that does nothing to help my already aroused state, except making it worse, with her now scantily clothed body rubbing against all parts of me. Her soft breasts pressed against my chest, and I bite back a groan. I pray the cold water will help me.

"Alicia what happened?" I ask her softly, hoping she has calmed down enough to give me an answer. I am starting to worry deeply over her panic attack.

"You didn't answer when I called for you... And I couldn't see you anywhere. I thought something had happened to you and you drowned. How could you tease me like that?" She whispers, her voice somber and thick.

I move us so I can get eye-contact with her.

"Alicia I wasn't teasing you... I was diving... I went down to check something with the chain of the anchor, I was worried it was broken, but it was nothing... I don't know how I have missed your calls, but it must have been while I was under water!"

I explain to her gently and she looks into my eyes. I hold her gaze, staring into her mossy green orbs. They are confused at first but then seem to clear. Confusion being replaced by something else, something I can't put my finger on. She nods slowly.

"Peter I called many times... " She tells me. It's like she doesn't quite still believe me and I know it is logical. After all me not hearing her any time she called is so very bad luck, but it is the truth.

"I had water in my ears and dived a couple of times Alicia... I am sorry I didn't want to scare you. I should have told you I would check something by diving... But I thought I would be done before you had changed... But I should have told you. " I answer her, and she nods.

"Yes, you should what if something happened while you were diving, like you hit your head or something? You could have died... and what would I do? I couldn't save you and there is no one else out here!" Her voice changes and becomes harder. I can sense she is getting angry and worked up again.

"I know, I know it was reckless of me. I promise it won't happen again, if I need to check something like that again I will tell you before." I offer and she nods.

We don't swim much after that. We both seem to have lost the desire. Instead we climb back on board and I quickly change my clothes and starts to get us moving again, while Alicia stays downstairs to rest.

We had both gotten a bit embarrassed and surprised as we calmed down. Alicia realizing the position we were in and it's effect on me. And our discomfort only got worse the moment we got up from the water and I noticed her in her by then basically see through white wet lace underwear. So now we are avoiding each other a little, trying to find a way to deal with what had happened without it being uncomfortable and it needing to be discussed more, at least she is avoiding me.

I miss her joining me at the deck though, even though I am busy and couldn't look much after her, needing to focus on steering and keeping an eye on everything, I like having her there beside me and feeling her presence and once in a while taking a quick glance at her. Seeing her seemingly relaxed made me smile, and I am glad I can by having her here with me, make her feel like that.

I sail in peace and she doesn't come up again, sadly. I take us into a smaller boat ramp along the river, but one I still know I can go into. It is first when I tie the boat that she joins me up in the deck again. She has changed her clothes and is now wearing jeans and a looser sweater, she tied her hair up and gives me a nervous smile. One I return with a gentle one of my own.

"So I know this isn't as big as the other marina but I already have food and here we can get electricity and water... plus it is looking like it will start to rain soon so I prefer not going further today..." I explain to her and she nods.

"Sure, do you need help with anything?" She asks and I consider it for a moment.

"Do you want to come with me to pay for the slip... so you can stretch your legs a bit, and we can get water. And maybe see if they have a waterproof jacket for you..." I offer her and she nods.

"Sure let me just grab my wallet..." She answers.

We both seem more relaxed and less tense in each other's proximity once again as we walk up to the small shop there is. It is the same place I will pay for the slip. They do have a few waterproof jackets, though none as good as I would have liked for her so it is dropped and I promise she can borrow an extra I have if needed.

We agree to wait with filling the water tank to before take-off tomorrow. However we stock up on bottled water for drinking, as well as couple of bottles of red wine to have with dinner. It starts to rain as we are shopping, meaning there won't be much to do for the rest of the evening and no outside activities. Neither of us has brought jackets so we are soaked through once more as we get back to the boat. We both shower in the two bathrooms on board. And I start to cook us dinner, and Alicia joins to help as soon as she is finished. Her hair tied up once more but now humid. She looks lovely though she would think me crazy for liking her this way. But it makes her look more relaxed, and I like that compared to the dark circles under her eyes I noticed yesterday. She offers to take over like she doesn't quite believe in my abilities to cook our dinner, but I refuse and just let her help. A few times I offer her to taste what I am making so she can see for herself it isn't bad.

She sets the table and we eat the food I made us while discussing the trip. She asks me about sailing and how it came about, why I decided to try that. She also wants to know what will happen if the wind isn't in our direction and I explain in simple terms how it will be done, that I have a spinnaker if needed. And explain what that is and why it can be needed. I also promise I will teach her how to set the sail and show her how to look at the depth finder and read it correctly. She seems interested in learning and that makes me smile. A part of me considers if it would have been good for us in the past - before I screwed us up by going to a hooker caught up on my power trip and forgetting what truly matters - to have a project like this together. Would it have made us not drift apart as much? I push it away, I can't think of it... one can't live on what ifs, it isn't healthy.

After dinner we clean up together and take the rest of bottle of red wine we had with dinner back with us to the couch where we take a seat again and I pour us another glass each.

We sip it while making casual conversation on different things. I can't remember the last time we talked as much as we seem to be doing on this trip, and it is nice. I like that we seem friendly.

"You said you sometimes take the kids out on the boat and their friends... don' you take anyone else out?" She asks me and I shrug my shoulders.

"No not really... who should I take?" I ask and she looks down for a second.

"Someone special I guess..." She mumbles and I look at her confused for a moment, wondering what it is she is actually asking.

"What do you mean?" I ask and she looks up at me with a sigh.

"I guess I'm asking if you are seeing anyone..." She clarifies and I look at her as I start to shake my head. We haven't talked about relationships so far. I am actually thankful for it as I am not sure how I would feel if I learned she was involved with someone. It is completely within her right if she was, and I do want her happy. I am just not sure I want to know someone else gets to love her like I wish I could.

"No, I am not... if you mean romantically." I answer her.

"Oh..." She mumbles and looks down again and I sigh I guess I need to ask her the same now.

"What about you? Anyone special in your life?" I ask her and she looks up at me and shrugs her shoulders.

"Not really. I never understood how much work it is being the States Attorney until I became it... I seem more married to my work now than anything." She offers and I feel a stone lift from my heart.

"So no dating?" I ask more relaxed on the subject now, and she shakes her head.

"Not really... I mean I have been on a few... including this horrible thing called speed dating Owen set me up on a couple of time. You wouldn't believe how many desperate people there are out there. It is horrible." She answers and rolls her eyes as she talks about it. And I can't help but laugh at the image of Alicia on speed dating thanks to Owen. The image is hilarious.

And I can easily imagine she was not happy with Owen setting her up for such things.

"It wasn't exactly where I would imagine you looking for candidates either... On speed dating..."I joke with her, taking in how she rolls her eyes at me.

"Trust me I don't think I met one possible candidate for a suitable romantic partner... The worst is actually the distaste and looks I get from the men, when I say who I am... If they don't know who I am it goes until I say my job... You wouldn't believe how many are intimidated by women in power... It is actually sort of offensive..." she explains and I stare at her a bit surprised with how she is opening up and telling me such things. And I get her, I know many men are scared by powerful women and need to be the provider. I had a time where I felt the same, in my less fine years. And that is something I paid a hard price for. I get it now and couldn't ever be with anyone again that wouldn't dare to challenge me and treat me as their equal, like Alicia, again.

"You can probably find better candidates other places... Also men that are not afraid of your position..." I tell her and she sighs.

"Maybe but then there is my work hours and I am not exactly young anymore and women over a certain age are less attractive to men even my own age or older..." She explains the last lines sound like something Veronica has told her.

"Don't sell yourself short Alicia... Everyone that meets you and connects with you is charmed by you, and falls a little bit in love with you..." I tell her and she snorts and looks at me.

"Where in the world did you get that crap Peter? A women's magazine?" She laughs, clearly not believing me.

"Many years of observations Alicia, it isn't a joke... I am sure many will still be interested..." I tell her and she squints at me.

"I see... Would you?" She asks and I look at her confused, wondering what made her ask that.

"If I met and connected with you for the first time? For sure!" I tell her hoping to boost her self-esteem, but not sure if it is the right thing to do, to say. The look in her eyes makes me confused. There is an emotion I can't quite put my finger on, the same one I had seen flicker in them for a short time while we were in the water earlier.

"That's not what I meant..." She whispers and I look at her confused. She can't mean the other possibility she has to be joking with me or something so I just roll my eyes at her, not wanting to put myself out there.

"Alicia, you are appealing, beautiful, tender, caring, fascinating and intelligent. Tons of men would want you in a heartbeat, and probably give anything for a chance with you." I tell her instead and she stares at me still with that look in her eyes. The one I can't pinpoint.

"It wasn't what I asked..." She states again and I shake my head at her. But she continues. "I asked if you would..."

"I already told you if we met for the first time and connected I would..." I tell her and she tilts her head and keeps staring at me.

"And I said it wasn't what I meant... would you _still _want me." She whispers putting pressure on the word still. And asking the exact thing I was sure she couldn't mean. I look into her eyes deeply, wondering what she is playing at. They are clouded and flicking between mine and my lips and I realize she really is serious. It might be the red wine, it might be the earlier scare in the water. But she really is serious. I take a deep breath, I have a feeling what comes next will be a grave mistake, one we will both regret, and yet I still move over beside her. I lift my hand to her face stroking her cheek gently as I tilt her head up, and with that I move in. I pause with only a hair-breath between our lips. Leaving the decision of what happens next up to her. And she takes it by closing the last millimeters and stealing my breath. The kiss starts slow at first, an exploration of lips and tongues. My hands cradle her face tilting it to get better access to her mouth. And that makes it escalate. She moans softly in the back of her throat spearing me on. My tongue battles with her for dominance. I wonder why I didn't kiss her earlier, why I wasted hours yesterday and today not kissing her. I must have forgotten how good it felt because if I had remembered I would have done it. I would have kissed her every second. She wraps her arms around my neck holding on to me and pulling me closer. Something I don't resist. I let go of her face with one hand and instead move it to hold on to her waist. My thumb finds the bare skin where her sweater has ridden up and caress it gently making her groan into my mouth.

"Please!" She whimpers softly and I let my palm slide under her shirt and stroke her bare back like I had earlier today in the water, but with another intent. I am starving for her. But not just that, until this second I don't think I have realized how lonely my life has become. Grown kids but no grand-kids yet, and no real friends, or family other than the grown up kids, no wife, nor job or even a girlfriend or partner of some kind. I can't remember the last time I felt a human connection like the one I am feeling with Alicia right now, and that makes it so much sweeter. In reality I have a hard time imaging I have felt it at any point since our divorce. It makes my need for her and the connection stronger. I push any thoughts of this being a bad idea away as she leans back pulling me with her. The couch is slim and we don't have much space to move at all. But we were not married for so many years for nothing. We know each other well and we manage to make it work there as well with her spreading her legs only to wrap them around me. I keep kissing her, at one point leaving her lips to trail down kisses over her neck. She is pulling at my shirt and I move off enough to pull it up and toss it somewhere, before I help her out of her sweater. The moment it is off I push her back down and start trailing kisses down her neck and collar bone to her chest.

**M-rated part **

I kiss and place soft licks and nibbles along the edge of her bra, making her moan and arch her back pushing her soft mounds up against my face. I unhook the front closure, thankful for the choice she had made on underwear. The lace clings to her skin for a second before falling away and I move right back in, finding her nipple and sucking on it gently, while I use my hand to touch and caress her other breast, giving it equal attention. Alicia moans and whimpers under me, begging for more and I switch to her other breast. She is so warm and responsive, and I suddenly realize how much I actually want this and her. And a quick look at her face where I meet her eyes tells me she does too. Her eyes are dark forest green, glimmering with passion and desire. I am not sure it is me and her or some deeper imperative that is generating the spark between us in that moment but it is there. I kiss her deeply on the lips again, letting our tongues enter in another battle for dominance. Before pulling away again, making her groan in annoyance.

"Patience." I whisper and kisses her quickly.

"Peter!" She hisses instead and I feel her fumble with my jeans to get them open. The second she succeeds I move to pull them off, kicking them as well as my shoes, socks and underwear off before helping her out her own tight fitted jeans and panties. I kiss her stomach making her giggle lightly. And I start to kiss a trail from one hip bone to the other, while I spreads her legs, thankfully she is as flexible as always. She easily spreads her legs by placing one on the back of the couch. I let my fingers stroke and caress her warm wetness, but she pulls me back up to her and kisses me deeply on the lips.

"Not now!" She insists. I consider moving us around so she can straddle me or take her to the bedroom or the counter for that matter. It would make movements easier and give us more space, but I don't get to voice it. She wraps both legs around me again. My erection rubbing against her slick wetness making me groan into her mouth. I manage to move us a bit and ailing myself with her entrance, and I finally slide into her again. It is so tight and so warm and I can't have remembered how good this felt, because if I had I would have gone crazy with longing for her always. I let out a loud groan, one that is answered by her own deep moan as I fill her. I pause a second inside her when I am all the way in. Our eyes meet and lock, and I move and kiss her cheek, eye brow and lips. Her hands stroke my back and shoulders. And for a moment we both seem to just take pleasure from being united. In feeling another human being like this, in feeling each other again. Being with someone that knows our deepest and darkest parts and still cares, still wants to connect like this. I realize I love her and will never love anyone else the way I love her. After all she knows me the best of all, has seen and known all sides of me, good and bad, and I know her better than I will ever know another person. It makes the connection deeper and more intense. I start to move slightly inside of her, gentle thrusts, where I kiss her in between. She is moaning and whimpering, pushing up against me and meeting my thrusts each time, letting me go deep in her. I pick up my pace and slam into her a bit harder and faster moving her legs from my waist to my shoulders and changing the angle. She groans deeply and I push hard into her until I feel my climax. I catch her eyes to see if she is there yet. And move a hand between us and with a few strokes of my fingers sends her over the edge before I follow her.

**M-rated part over**

I use every last part of energy not to collapse on top of her, but instead to move out and off her. Where I take a seat beside her on the couch. I look over at her meeting her eyes, they are still dark and filled with desire. Her face is flushed and she is panting to catch her breath again. I move my hand over and stroke the soft skin of her stomach gently, making her giggle once more, it is one of those spots I know she is ticklish. She catches my hand and lift it up to her lips where she places a soft kiss on my wrist. I take one of hers and do the same before moving off the couch to stand. I move over to the kitchen area and grab a glass and some bottled water and fill it, before bringing it back to Alicia. I didn't count on finding her asleep already in the two minutes it had taken me to get her the water. But there she is, eyes closed and her chest rising and falling gently with her breath. She is beautiful and perfect to me. If men can't see that they must be blind, I was blind once, and it cost me my life with her, my life and love. But now I see her and how perfect she is. I sigh, I suddenly feel very old and sad. I have a strange fear she will view this with regrets in the morning, and this has ended up just being one last nice memory for us. I fear she will be gone as soon as she can. Probably in the morning before I wake up. And there is nothing I can do. My desire for her has ruined our friendly trip. I know I can't let her sleep on the small slim couch so I move over and with much work manage to lift her up from it and into my arms without waking her. I carry her into the bedroom I gave her in the front of the boat and move around the best I can to place her in the bed and pull the covers up and around her, before crawling out of it again. I pick up our clothes from the floor and the other places they had landed and place hers on a chair and take my own with me into my bedroom. After that I bring the glass of water I had gotten for her into her bedroom and place it on a small shelf near the bed.

With that done I lock up and get ready for bed myself. As I close my eyes with intention of sleep, I I send a silent prayer that she won't have run in the morning, that she will have chosen to stay, whatever tonight might mean, I still hope she stays and we can enjoy a few more days together, even if they end up only being as friends with no repeat performance. I just want to be in her sphere a little longer. However I also soon finds that sleep isn't coming to me and sits up again and grab my Ipad of the bedside table and turn on a small lamp to read a bit until I feel sleep coming, the only sound I can hear is the one from the river. It must have stopped raining. I wish Alicia was beside me, I have a strange feeling her presence would work better than any sleeping drug or book could. However I instead turns on the Ipad and finds the book I started to read a few days ago, hoping sleep will come fast, and lull me into the security and happiness at the land of dreams.

* * *

_There you go chapter 4... and the part where the story became m-rated... hope you like... love to hear the thoughts... Chapter 5 is written and can hopefully be up over the weekend... but I likely won't be able to write chapter 6 until Sunday or Monday... _


	5. Chapter 5

_A huge thank you to the followers and readers of this story... this is your weekend treat! enjoy! _

_As always dedicated to my beta with a huge thank you for the great help. and a huge thank you to my ass kicker who continues to push me to write... even then I don't feel like it. _

_I don't own The Good Wife... (or Pretty woman where a part of this was inspired by)_

* * *

**Chapter 5**

I don't know where I am as I start to wake up and it scares me, even more when I realize I am naked. It is in that moment I remember what happened, as the sound of the water breaks though my foggy mind so I know for sure. However that cleared makes way for another question, one of why I am alone, in the bed I was to sleep in. How I got here and why I am alone. I remember us making passionate love, strong and powerful, and I remember Peter caressing me after, but nothing of going to bed alone. The feeling that washes over me isn't relief like I would have expected. Relief that I apparently wouldn't be confronted with what it meant, that he had taken it just as sex. No, I feel sadness and like I lost something precious I can't quite pinpoint. I wonder if this means it was only sex for him, comfort sex to make me feel better with my doubts of my own worth. It seems like it, when he just carried me to bed but didn't stay or took me to his bed to hold me. Instead I am here alone in the darkness. The darkness that suddenly seems to swallow me. I pull the sheets tighter around me, feeling cold and alone. I hate to admit it but I really wish he was beside me, warming me and making me feel at ease.

I still freeze so I get up and try to find my nightwear I put on before slipping back under the covers, hoping I can sleep. But sleep doesn't come, instead the events of today are running through my mind. So much of what I have felt today scares and confuses me. It doesn't make sense. The only reason it felt so good to let go with Peter is because of how much I needed it, needed the release and to feel the connection with another human. To be touched and feel human body heat. It would have been just as good with any other man, at least that is what I tell myself though a stubborn little voice in the back of my mind keeps telling me that isn't true. That it is because it was Peter.

I give up on sleep and crawl back from under the covers and grab a sweater. I make my way through the boat the best I can in the dark and climb up the stairs and manage to get the door open. It has stopped raining but the deck is wet and slippery beneath my bare feet. I still manage to make my way to one of the benches where I take a seat. The rain clouds have left, giving way to the moon. It casts a ghostly glow over the area and water. I stare into it, the moon makes it look tempting and a part of me would love to swim in it right now with only the moonlight. However I know it isn't smart to swim in a harbor not even this small boat place. I can also feel the cold creeping up around me and I know I need to go back in soon. However I stay for a few more minutes enjoying the silence and beauty of the night it is so quiet out here compared to Chicago at night time and I have to admit I like that a lot.

I do get up soon and move back inside now even colder, I start to make my way back to my own bed but pause and instead move to Peter's bedroom just to check on him at least that is what I excuse it with. He must have been reading or something before bed as he still has a small lamp on and an Ipad is laying beside him on the bed. He is sitting half way up but I know he is fast asleep with how his chest moves up and down with his deep breaths. I stand there looking at him for a few minutes. He looks incredibly relaxed and at ease. The sight of him like this makes me smile, it is so peaceful. I missed seeing him like this, I can't remember when I last saw him this relaxed and peaceful. Years ago I could often find him asleep and turn out the light and put his case-files or books away. Just like he would often find me in similar positions. It was familiar, and something that spoke of years of shared history. It isn't just this I have missed I admit to myself, it is also him. The thought sends a jolt through me as I admit it, but the second I do I realize it is true. I have actually missed him incredibly much.

I bite my lip, I had never thought I would get to understand him even better than I had after he hurt me. But taking over the job he once had made me understand many things about him and his actions better. I know he would understand some of the dilemmas I face daily and I wish I could talk to him and hear his thoughts. I wish I could have someone there at the end of the day both to take my mind of work but also to go through work issues with me. I know Peter would understand some of that better than anyone. I keep looking at him for a few more minutes before I move over to remove the Ipad, and turn off the lamp. However I keep sitting there on the bed, looking at his face. So relaxed and free from worry, I try to remember if I ever saw his face like that before. And have to accept it was maybe as far back as our first years of marriage. I lift my hand and caress his cheek gently, I can feel his five o'clock shadow. He must not have shaved before bed like he otherwise often had. Or at least had in the past. I press a kiss to my fingers and caress his cheek again. I feel drawn to him as I softly lean in. I tell myself I only want to give him a goodnight kiss and that will be it. So I brush my lips over his cheek and then lean in to press another one to his lips. It is light and I only brush my lips over his for a second before pulling back. He is still asleep, and I like watching him sleep more than I remember doing. Maybe it is because of how strong he is through the day, and when sleeps come he is looking almost boyish, but not completely he is still very much man. His bare broad chest confirming that. I run my fingers over it, playing with the hair covering it, before I reach in and press another kiss to his lips. I missed him, and today terrified me, the thought of losing him as well scared me. I am still struggling with what it made me feel, the only thing I want to admit to myself is that I am incredibly glad he was okay, that nothing had happened to him. Suddenly the kiss changes, and I feels his lips moves against mine. I know he has woken up but I don't pull away. I kiss him a bit harder and he returns it. His lips open under mine and I feel his tongue snake along them and open to him. Our tongues meet and caress each other. I feel his hand coming up to cup my face as he starts to sit up a bit more. I wrap my arms around his neck, running my fingers through his hair. I let out a soft moan in pleasure over the passionate kiss and his fingers lightly stroking my neck and chin. He opens his eyes and I meet them through the dark. They are almost as dark as the room and yet I can see them thanks to the moonlight streaming down from the small skylight window in here. He kisses me with heat and longing. One I return equally. And when he breaks the kiss my lips seek his again, but he pulls back a little and locks his eyes with me. His fingers are still caressing my cheek.

"Alicia?" He whispers, and I can read the question in his eyes, the one I am not completely sure how to answer or if I'm even ready to answer.

"Shhs" I whisper and place my fingers to his lips. I hope he will accept it, accept the silent language between us for now. And when I feel him kiss my fingers and run his tongue over the pads, I know he has. He sucks on my thumb and I pull it away again and move in to kiss him again. His fingers move through my hair, massaging my scalp, and then he breaks the kiss again. His lips finds their way to my neck, kissing the hollow between my throat and shoulder.

I moan softly and hold him tight against me. I tilt my head to give him better access as he continues his kisses there. I feel him pull me down and roll me over on the bed so he is laying halfway over me. He pulls back for a second and looks down at me. His fingers are playing with a lock of my hair. I run my fingers over his cheek in return, looking up at him. I can read so many emotions in his eyes in that moment. Emotions that terrify the hell out of me while at the same time they thrill me and make me burn with a greater need for him. I pull his face down to me again and kisses him passionately once more.

**M-rated part**

I can feel his hand caress my hip on top of the silk of the French knickers PJ pants I slipped on. I fear I will already have soaked through both my normal panties and them by now, with how he is kissing me. His hand slides up under my black silk top pushing it up and we break the kiss so he can help me out of it. My bare breasts coming in contact with his chest, making me groan in pleasure from the sensations it sends through me. He kisses me again and I sigh into his lips making him pull back to check if I am alright. I take one of his hands and guide it up so it cups one of my breasts letting him know I am good but need more of this, of him. I arch my back pushing more of my breast into his warm palm. His fingers caress and stroke my already pebbled nipple. He kisses my forehead before he bends to kiss my other nipple like he had earlier tonight. And it feels just as good now as it had then. He had always been a good and generous lover tending to my needs before his own. Which had also made him and Amber hurt so much more, I had never thought it was lacking. Sure it hadn't been as grand or thrilling but it hadn't been bad, at least I hadn't thought so. So to hear his whore talk about how generous and giving he was hurt.

He hasn't changed in that area, not even now. He continues down over my stomach and pushes the silk French knickers down, where after he fingers the soaked lace panties before he pushes them down and takes them off me, too. He spreads my legs and I moan deeply when I feel him kiss his way up my inner thigh. He places a kiss behind my knee on the way making me whimper deeply. And then finally he pushes my legs a bit more apart. And his fingers spreads me open and his tongue sweeps over my folds, taking the first tentative lick of me. My hips arch up and I groan deep and hard, while my fingers lock in his hair holding his head to me. He rasps his tongue along my wetness again, taking another lick. This one all the way from perineum to my clit which he sucks on and rubs his tongue across. My eyes close in pleasure and I push myself more against him. His name hangs on my lips, one that I give into moaning as he pushes two long and thick fingers into my body, and starts to move them in and out. He keeps on kissing and licking my wetness up and sucking on my clit until I fall apart crying out his name. He places a kiss on my abdomen before moving up and kissing my lips. I can taste myself on his tongue. I hold onto him, not letting go as he moves to pull away. He kisses me quickly before disentangling himself, making me groan in annoyance. But it doesn't take long for him to cover my body again and I feel how he has taken off his pants now, as his naked and hard erection brushes against my thigh. I grip it with one hand and stroke it gently, making him groan before he halts my hand. He kisses me and I spread my legs more and guides him into me, making us both groan. He just rests in me for a moment. And I enjoy the stretching and lightly burning feeling it gives me. He is so deep in me and I want it like that. We kiss each other slowly before he moves. I am not sure what he is doing but he moves my legs tighter together before lifting first one of his legs so it is on the outer side of mine and then the other. He moves my legs so they squeeze together tightly again, and he is surprisingly still in me. The new position makes him slide in and out of me in a different angle, one that makes us rub together more. My clit is burning, and I groan in pleasure. We move slowly together like this. Our eyes locked and deep kisses shared. I know the moment I feel myself approaching my climax that he isn't far behind. We fall over the edge together.

**M-rated part over**

He is holding himself up to not crush me and for a second we just lay like that, still connected. We share a single kiss, before he pulls out of me and turns us around. He pulls me with him and I crawl under the covers with him and snuggle up against his warm chest. I press a kiss to his skin and feel him place one on the crown of my head before he wraps his arms tightly around me. I can feel his breath even out and I know he is asleep again. I place another kiss on his chest and close my eyes, breathing in his masculine smell, before I let sleep take me as well, three words coming to mind, but sleep takes me before I can say them out loud.

* * *

_Please let me hear your thoughts... and i hope you are still enjoying the story!_


	6. Chapter 6

_There you go finally chapter 6... Hope you are still interested :-) Enjoy  
_

_I don't own The Good Wife!_

* * *

**Chapter 6**

I feel cold as I start to wake up, and as the fog clears from my mind I feel sad. She is gone. I shouldn't be surprised, not really. It was after all what I had imagined when I carried her to her own bed last night after our time on the couch. And yet when she came to me during the night and stayed in my arms falling asleep there I had hoped it changed things. That she wouldn't let that one time on the couch be it, that she would stay and maybe tell me what is going on. But now waking up alone in my bed, cold with the sheets tossed away I know it was a hope in vein. It should make it easier but it doesn't. My heart still aches and I wish she would have cared enough to stay. But I see now that even though it felt like it was more and deeper, it still was like last time she suddenly started to sleep with me again, less about us and only about her and her needs. I wanted my wife back and she wanted sex, at least to begin with, later I thought she wanted us like I did too... however after our blow up when Will died and it was clear I was competing with a ghost and her love for another man. I started to doubt if she had the last years ever wanted the same as I did, us to be together again for real.

I sigh and sit up while I look around. My hand falls to the pillow beside me, it is cold, and that makes me sad. However leaning down I can smell her lavender shampoo still clinging to the fabric. I have a strange feeling that I won't wash it for a while just to keep her with me. I start to wonder how long it has been since she left, not that it really matters, I won't try to catch her even if I could. That tactic has never worked with her. I get out of bed and find my boxers and a pair of pants and a shirt before dragging myself out of the bedroom. I can just as well get some food and water and take off, no reason to wait around, it won't change a thing. I walk out to the main area and my eyes widen in shock. For all that I am I had never imagined this.

She hasn't left, instead she is there right in front of me, seemingly cooking. The table set with plates, clearly ready for breakfast. She looks up as I enter and smiles nervously at me. She is fully dressed, in some white lined skirt, ending just above her knee and a light yellow strapless top. She has my shirt from yesterday over it, hanging open. Her hair tied up again to not get in the way. Her long bare legs seems to go on forever. She looks stunningly beautiful, not the least because of the smile playing on her lips.

"Hi... I thought I would let you sleep and make breakfast... it is almost done... the coffee is ready..." She grabs it off the counter and pours me a mug and places it back on the counter top again while I step over to take it. I can smell the pancakes she is making and my mouth waters. I take a sip of the coffee before looking at her again. She looks away for a second then back at me and leans over the counter, making me bend not completely sure what is going on but then she places a hand on my cheek and brush a quick kiss over my lips before pulling back for a second before giving me another.

"What do you want on your pancakes? I couldn't find any syrup... do you have any? So I melted some chocolate for chocolate sauce... but if you have syrup and prefer that... oh and I borrowed your shirt because I was cold... I hope that is okay... do you have some juice?" She babbles all the questions at once nervously, as she pulls back and I nod. I am a bit surprised by the affection, actually very surprised, she is nervous but caring and not running or seemingly denying what happened last night.

"Yeah... I do have both syrup and juice.. let me find it... but chocolate sauce sounds good too... we can always have both..." I wink at her and she smiles and nods.

"Sounds good..." She admits and I take in how she flips over two pancakes, before I move to find the syrup and bring it to the table. After that I make my way to the fridge and take out some juice and pour us both a glass, where after I bring the coffee and chocolate sauce over to the table. I take a seat and she joins me a few minutes after with a plate full of pancakes. I take one and so does she. I hold up the sauce for her to take some and pass her the syrup after before I take some myself. We both eat in silence for a moment, and I wonder how to break it. Until I notice chocolate on her cheek, making me smile. She raises an eyebrow at me.

"What?" She asks and I grin.

"You have a little something on your cheek." I tell her and notice how she reaches up to brush it away, only to get even more chocolate and syrup on herself.

"Here let me help you." I offer and take a napkin to wipe it off, making her roll her eyes.

"Well it is sticky..." She tells me as she realizes what it was she had left there and I nod.

"It is a mess but it tastes amazing..." I answer as I take another, before continuing.

"I didn't know I had all the things for it... I don't remember having any flour." I tell her and she shrugs her shoulders.

"You didn't but I woke up and couldn't sleep so I went looking for what to have for breakfast and decided to make pancakes. It was the least I could do after you cooked all of yesterday. I didn't find any flour so I took a walk and bought some. But I forgot to get syrup..." She explains and I nod.

"Well they are amazing but you didn't have to... I didn't invite you along to play my cook." I tell her and she shakes her head.

"I know, but I don't mind, I wanted to do it." She answers while she takes another bite, once more leaving chocolate on her upper lip, and I can't help but laugh. She gives me a glare while raising an eyebrow.

"What are you laughing at now?" She asks and I motion for her upper lip, and she quickly tries to lick it off but doesn't quite reach, so I lean in and this time I can't help it and instead of wiping it off with a napkin I lick it off, placing a soft kiss on her lips, taking a chance that she won't reject it, after all she had earlier initiated two. One that quickly turns heated as she responds. I move my hands up to cup her face and she wraps her arms around my neck and moves closer. I only pull back when I feel her sticky fingers on my cheeks. I look at her and realize the mess we have made. While I tried to kiss away the chocolate I have now left brown finger prints on her cheeks and neck. She stares at me as well and starts to laugh.

"This is quite a mess..." I tell her and get a nod as answer. I still lean into kiss her cheek again and lick a little of the chocolate up, making her giggle and pull back.

"Stop Peter... we need to talk..." She laughs out but doesn't pull away actually the opposite as she pulls her skirt up enough to straddle my lap and leans in to run her own tongue against the sticky mess on my neck, making me groan, but I pull back to look at her, taking in her words before I raise an eyebrow.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" She asks and I sigh.

"Because I am not used to you actually wanting to talk." I tell her thinking about the last years we were married, she glares at me and pulls back a little.

"Well it isn't like you are much better at it than I am... Mr. I will tell you everything... that then tells nothing at all..." She fires at me and I sigh. I hate that we are already seemingly starting to fight like it always seems to happen when we attempt to talk.

"I know. You're right... none of us wins a prize in talking and communication, why it confuses me you want it now..." I tell her and she raises an eyebrow and leans back in, her lips close to mine.

"Well I can't say I want it... actually I could find a lot of things I want, _way more_..." And with that she kiss me again while rubbing herself against my already thumping erection. It only takes a few seconds for me to catch up and the next we are making out passionately once more. She is rocking against me and I feel her sticky fingers pull my shirt up and I break the kiss long enough to get it off while she grinds herself against me. I kiss her deeply again and move my hands under her top, the shirt of mine she had on already gone. I push it up and I know we'll both be sticky with chocolate and syrup all over when we are done with this. I will probably owe her a new skirt and top too instead of the ones she has on, as I have no idea if the dark chocolate will ever be able to come out of her white skirt again. Something however clicks in the back of my mind, I know she was right. We probably do need to talk so I break the kiss, leaving us both panting, trying to catch our breath again. I am already incredibly hard and the way she sits on my lap doesn't make it easier. She reaches in and gives me another playful kiss, one I break right away.

"You are right we need to talk..." I mumble and she groans in annoyance.

"I thought we decided there were many other things I want more..." She mumbles as she places a kiss on my neck and I sigh. I'm tempted to drop the talk and just give in to her and let the no talking go on, since apparently she isn't running. But I force myself to concentrate.

"You are right but we should talk first. I should have agreed the moment you offered the option of us to talk." I tell her and she sighs. I imagine she will move off me now and may shut me out completely but it doesn't happen, instead she stays in my lap and leans her head against my shoulder.

"I live in Chicago... I will keep living there... I have my job there, a job I actually like surprisingly much. This won't change that, but I miss you... I miss someone that understands me and my mind. That accepts me for who I am and respects me for it, and for all that was wrong between us you did start to get that and appreciate me for that. And I guess you are now the only one that gets me, and sees all of me, and it does scare me but it also comforts me. I also sort of get you, what went on in the past... that when we drifted apart and you were caught up in the work you were doing, that life... I don't think it excuses how you hurt me... but I might just get a little bit of the blowing off steam, risk taking and needing control part now." She tells me, laying out more ground than I expected and letting me far more in than she has since I screwed up. It surprises me how open she is once more and I stare at her.

"What does all of that mean Alicia?" I finally ask her and she sighs again and quickly looks down.

"I don't know what it means... At least not completely..." She finally answers, and adds in a low mumble I am not sure I am meant to hear or not. "I guess it means that I want you." I nod slowly taking in what she said.

"So you want sex? Is that what this is about?" I finally ask her straight out and she snaps her head up and stares right at me.

"Is that all you think you are to me?" She asks, and I shrug my shoulders.

"I honestly don't know Alicia... I don't know if this is just you needing sex or if it was that the last few years we were married. After all we never really talked, you were always surprised if I wanted to talk or to have dinner just to be with you, or to spend time with you and the kids. You agreed to renew our vows but kept pushing it back, not seeming interesting in going after all. You didn't even want me with you at your newly built firms arrangements. You didn't tell me about the Christmas party, Cary did. You only came to me when you needed sex at least it felt like that... I guess I am asking if it is the same you want now... something where we meet up for sex, where after you run off to take over the world, or we meet up for me to help you relieve the stress you are under for some reason." She stares at me in shock and offense is coloring her eyes, but I continue.

"Don't look at me like that! I am not an idiot Alicia, I know you more than once came to me for sex because you had a blow up with someone, or was stressed... you only put sex back on the table because you had been fighting with your mom." I tell her with a sigh. I hope she will answer and not slap me and run away though I wouldn't be surprised if that was her reaction, not at all, and I might deserve it for the last part I pointed out.

However she doesn't instead she sighs deeply and looks at me before reaching a hand up to caress my cheek.

"It wasn't like that, at least it didn't stay like that... and I am sorry I ever made you doubt it... I didn't agree to renew our vows for nothing, I didn't say I loved you without meaning it. It wasn't just about my mother, Will, Owen or the press. It wasn't even about Kresteva, though I am surely not unhappy you beat him the first time. I am still horrified he is the governor now." She tells me and I sigh.

"What did you imagine I would feel... especially with how we ended it all... the vow renewal never happened instead I found my wife shutting me out again while she mourned..." I tell her and she sighs.

"I didn't end us Peter, you did..." She tells me and I nod slowly,

"Technically yes, but I only put on paper what was already a done deal you made..."

"You called me a selfish bitch, while I was already hurting... what did you think I would say to that?" She asks and I look down for a second, calling her that might be my third biggest regret. Especially because I could never see her as a bitch, even when I know better than anyone it is a quality deeply within her powers. But it is a downgrading term, a disrespectful term. And I respect her deeply, an how she has become this strong woman fighting for herself, also back then. However I had been angry and hurting too, feeling I couldn't reach her, and she had called me a bastard, so I had called her that horrible word.

"After you called me a bastard." I finally tell her gently. I am not sure why I don't tell her I regret the other word, but it might be to point out that I was wrong there but she had been as well. She looks down for a second.

"I was angry, and you said some horrible things to me there... letting me feel like you were all I had... like it wasn't about what we did have together but that we didn't have anything else... like because I didn't know precisely what he had felt for me I should just settle for you. I was hurting Peter, I needed time, and you pushed and pressured me. I hadn't been in bed for weeks, only a day at that time... if you had showed up after I spend the next week in bed I could maybe see why you would say I wasn't handling it well." She tells me, admitting to staying in bed even after our fight. I know she did, the kids called me more than once after. They were worried for her and asked me to come over, but I didn't. I'd told them she needed time. I had been tempted to go see her again, but I knew I wouldn't be accepted and she would take it as me just coming to show her I was right and she wasn't doing well at handling it, something that would end in another fight. So I stayed away.

I look down not saying anything to what she had said, and just let her continue.

"But it was a day, well a day and a half. One I took after I had a hell of couple of days at work. Cary wanting us to consider taking Jeffery's lawsuit against the SA's office for one thing..." She opens up and I stare at her in shock, the last part is news to me and I feel bad for her. I hate that her by then work partner even dared to voice such a thing to her. So I lift my hand and cup her face.

"I am sorry Alicia... I wish I had known... I tried to snap you out of what was going on. But I went at it horribly. I should have given you time and space..." I tell her and she nods slowly.

"I know, you are sorry... I am sorry for the things I said to you there as well. I am sorry for throwing old stuff in your face..." She whispers and I nod slowly.

"But clearly stuff that wasn't in the past." I whisper and she sighs.

"I guess it wasn't and I guess that was what pushed me to make that deal. A part of me did want to hurt you, both for the past but also because I was hurting and I felt entitled to do so. To cut off all emotions... and I guess a small part of me thought you would fight it... fight me on it... not just accept it. Well I guess you didn't accept it, you just ended it completely instead." She voices and I stare at her both in shock and surprise. It is the most honest I think she has ever been with me. I consider what to say to it and finally tell her why I ended us fully instead of accepting her deal.

"I couldn't live like that Alicia... we both deserved the chance to be happy even if we couldn't find it with each other..." I tell her and her eyes widen again.

"You think you didn't make me happy?" She asks and I look away for a moment.

"I think I made you happy once... I also think I didn't make you happy ever again since I screwed us up and hurt you." I answer her and she nods.

"It wasn't in the same way as in the past... but I wasn't _unhappy_ if that is what you think." She tells me and I look at her raising an eyebrow.

"If that is the case then why did you suddenly push me away... why didn't you let me be there for you? I wanted to be there!" I ask her heads one and she sighs.

"I don't... it doesn't matter..." She answers and I can see she is turning away and is drawing back, that the openness is giving away to her being closed off again, that I have pushed the issue too far. I can't say I am surprised, I am not.

"I actually do, think it matters... I think it is very important. To what went wrong between us." I tell her because something in me just can't give up.

"Well it isn't, so can we just drop it... also it all doesn't matter anymore for where we are now... I made a promise to myself years ago to not have anymore "what if's". Which is also why I in the end decided to join you. And here is another. I miss you, and I miss having someone... yesterday I could have lost you and I didn't want that "what if" either..." She admits and I know she is opening up in her own way again, letting me a little bit in though she refuses to discuss a central past issue with me.

I nod slowly.

"You were really scared..." I mumble mostly to myself but she hears it.

"Yes I was..." She admits and I nod slowly, I glance into her eyes taking in the mix of emotions in them. Also many she isn't voicing. I am surprised with how she has been sort of open to me though still closed off to one of our biggest issues.

"What do you want Alicia? You say it isn't just about sex then what do you want?" I finally ask, as that really confuses me, her wanting just sex wouldn't surprise me as much, but she said it wasn't that so that leaves me confused.

"A connection... I want to feel something again... I can't remember the last time I actually felt anything for real until yesterday, well maybe the day before when you invited me to join you... It can't be forever, or even long but it can be the next days. I called Geneva earlier and told her I would stay for the a few more days... I will go back after that and you have your boat and teaching and soul cleaning... but if you will have me _for now_..." She admits while also leaving the last part hanging. I stare at her and nod. It makes sense. I have missed the human and intimate connection as well and only realized how much while with Alicia. But she still hasn't really answered, though I guess I don't expect a better answer I still ask again.

"And what is that? What does that mean?" I look at her and see her shrug clearly uncomfortable.

"I don't know... but maybe to enjoy the time we have right now for the trip. Maybe to be what we once were, for old times' sake. I want to be able to enjoy that because you know me the best of all." I look at her, trying to read her and I do get it... she wants this whatever it is we have done ever since last night to continue. And I want it too, I would be lying if I said I didn't want it... I once told her when she asked what I want, that I would like my wife back, and right now with her sitting in my lap it almost feels like I have. Even divorced and three years apart it feels like what I have my wife right now.

But still what she is asking is hard... it is impossibly hard. And yet I wonder if it isn't one of those situations where someone gives you another chance just with a time limit on and asks if you would want what you wanted the most: to have another chance with her, would you take it, even if just for a limited time to do it right?

After all she is what I want the most and here I am with the chance of reaching it. How could I ever say no to that? So I don't say anything instead I lean in to kiss her. If I only get to have her as my wife and love for a little less than a week I will make the best of it. She gets my reply but still pulls back to look at me, her eyes shining.

"We should have a shower... you made me get chocolate on my back..." she teases me and stands up pulling the top off tossing it somewhere. After that she slips off the skirt as well as her panties. She hasn't bothered with a bra under the top so she stands naked before me now. And I move to stand up. I grab her waist and pull her to me.

"Shower can wait..." I mumble as I kiss her, while I move with the intent of picking her up to carry her to the bedroom.

But she pulls me with her toward the counter, and I catch on to her intention and I lift her up.

**M-rated part start**

I push my own pants down. I glance over at the table with our breakfast still there. I raise an eyebrow at her and get one in return clearly asking me what I am waiting for. I shake my head at her and walk over to the table and pick up the chocolate, it is still moist though not as much as earlier yet it works as I dip a couple of fingers in it and drag it along Alicia's shoulder before I bend to lick it off. She does the same and kisses the brown thick substance off my chest. I feed her a bit of the chocolate with a couple of fingers. And she pulls me in for a deep kiss. I break it and dip my fingers in the chocolate again and run them all the way down between the valley of her breast and down her belly. I then bend to lick it off, following the trail down. I start to bend down and spread her legs, and she seems to catch onto my intent. She puts a hand on my shoulder. I glance up and meet her heated gaze.

"Stop playing..." She tells me. I stand up again and kisses her while I align myself with her entrance, rubbing a finger over her, checking if she is ready before I enter her.

I wink at her before I enter her in one fluid thrust. I don't wait this time, the way she locks her legs around me immediately tells me she doesn't want that. Instead I pick up the pace right away. With each thrust she meets me. It is harder and faster this time, somehow what we both need as it isn't about just reconnecting anymore. And I don't need to treat it as if it will be the last time, because our deal means there will be more. Before long we both fall over the edge panting for air.

**M-rated part over**

She rests her head against my chest.

"I guess this mean you are agreeing to this time?" She mumbles softly and I sigh.

"I could never refuse you Alicia... I always seems to agree to your terms..." I admit and she nods.

"Except for a political marriage." She whispers and I pull her a bit tighter.

"I never wanted my parent's marriage and I feared it would be... I didn't want you to start resenting me like my mom resented my dad... and us to end up like that, and it felt like that was there we were heading." I tell her and she pulls back and glances up, meeting my gaze before leaning back in. We stay like that for a few minutes more, before she suddenly whispers.

"I pushed you away because I was hurting... and I didn't think you could understand my pain, grief and hurt because it was for Will..." Her head is still buried against my chest, and my arms tighten around her in surprise over her sudden but strange revelation. I nod slowly and wreck my brain to find one of my own.

"I hated you grieving like that for him, because I feared you regretted choosing me and not him... I had no idea how to help you even though I wanted to, because I hated seeing you sad and broken." I tell her and she nods against me.

"I know..." She whispers, and I sigh and just stand there with her in my arms. I have a feeling if we had talked and been open with each other in the past like we seem to be now, we would maybe not have needed to make deals of one stolen week but instead would still be married and living together.

* * *

_There you go they talked sort of... hope you liked it... chapter 7 is not fully written yet but I hope I can finish it soon... _


	7. Chapter 7

_There you go thanks for the reviews for last chapter and sorry for the wait. but here you have the next chapter... enjoy!  
_

_As always i don't own the good wife!_

* * *

**Chapter 7**

His hands run gently down my back soaping it up, while stroking and caressing me. I let my head fall back and emit a soft whimper. He places a kiss on my wet shoulder and I turn my head and move a hand up the best I can and guide his face to me so I can mash our lips together. It is gentle now, compared to earlier on the counter. Less rushed and wild. This is like we used to be so many, many years ago, before all became bad. When we were just us, young and beautiful and in love. I lean my head against him as we break the kiss. His arms are coming around me and gently soaping my stomach and continuing up until he is cupping my breasts, making me whimper and close my eyes. I let the sensations it is giving me run through my body. He massages my breasts and strokes my nipples until they stand as hard points. They are tender and his fingers feel almost magical. I am not really sure if this qualifies as a shower or we will both end up needing to get washed again once it is over. We had agreed to shower together after our encounter at the kitchen counter, needing to wash off all the chocolate and syrup sticking to our bodies. I knew there was a chance it would turn into another round but I wanted it. And this, how it feels, him holding me and caressing me slowly feels better than I remembered. It didn't start out sexual when he washed my hair gently earlier. Soaping it up and rubbing my scalp. Where after he had rinsed it before starting to soap my body up. I know I will smell like him when done, at least like his body wash, and I like the thought. I wouldn't normally like it but out here with just us two the thought alone makes me smile.

He kisses my neck again and for a moment he just holds me tight. And before he can manage to do anything more I turn in his arms and kiss him deeply. Then pulling back I lock eyes with him, looking into the dark coal ones that meet mine. They are burning with desire, and I take in how they flicker over me and how he licks his lips, before I give him another kiss. I nibble on his lips, teasing him, as I take his lower lip between my teeth, pulling it in gently before running my tongue over it. He groans against my lips and I pull back, raising an eyebrow at him. And he rolls his eyes at me before grabbing a hold on my hips and pulling me close again. I can feel his strong erection against my stomach as I lace my hands behind his head and pull it down so he bends over me to kiss me. I consider wrapping my legs around him and just let him take me already, but I want to tease him and bring him pleasure. I pull back and look into his eyes again. The storm of emotions in them almost makes me dizzy. When I asked him last night if he still wanted me, also in the now it took things in this direction but I had meant it. I wondered if he still felt anything for me, and if I have doubted he felt more than desire for me, the tenderness, care and warmth washing over me in his dark eyes in this moment answers it. For a second it is too much and I look down. Does he still love me? Is the question taking over my mind for a few seconds, but I push it back. It can't be, he probably just missed me and our connection. Missed having someone who knows you better than you often know yourself.

It has to be that. It has to be!

I kiss him again and this time as we break it I rest my head against his chest. Wondering if it would really be so bad if it wasn't just that he missed someone or missed me. If it would be so bad if he still loved me. The way he kisses me and how I feel with each one we share makes me consider if a part of me wouldn't actually welcome it. I remember how surprised I had been earlier when he had admitted he thought it was just sex to me and had been in the past as well. On almost everything he knew me the best of anyone, and yet he had thought that. It hurt but also shocked me. I had never meant to make him feel like that. I hope how I hug him and kiss him now will let him know it means more to me, that he means more to me. That I could never do that with him. If I just wanted sex I would find some other way, sure I missed it and to be touched and feel skin on skin contact, but not enough to use the man that was once my whole world for just that. Even though I can't voice or pinpoint exactly what it means to me right now, it is so much more than just sex, he is so much more, and has always been.

**M-part beginning**

I move back and reach down to pick up the bottle with body wash, and take some in both my hands and starts to gently scrub his chest and shoulders. I lean in and place a kiss on his skin once in a while and move further down over his stomach until his erection. He is already hard, and I start to stroke him gently while reaching under with my other hand to cup his balls. I rub my thumb over the head and curl my fingers around him with each third stroke I twist my hand slightly and put extra pressure on. He is groaning deeply and with a glance on his face I know he is holding back to not thrust into my hand but I reach up to kiss him as I caress his balls and twist my hand again.

"Don't hold back..." I whisper against his lips. I want him to let go, I want to do this for him. Like he took care of me last night. I consider going to my knees but I also wants to see his face, his eyes. So I don't, instead I keep our eyes locked while I continue to stroke him until he spills his release into my hand. The spray of the water washing the remains away and down the drain, while I hug him and kiss him again. His hands cup my face and he returns my sweet kiss by deepening it. I moan deeply and wrap my arms around his neck, holding him to me. We kiss for a few moments before I break it and motion for him to turn around, I pick up the soap again to get a new portion and start to wash his back. Then I move my hand around to reach for him but he grabs my wrist and pulls me around him so I am in front of him again. He kisses me teasingly before turning me around, facing against the wall. He kisses my shoulder and I wrap my arm around his neck holding his head against me while enjoying the small nibbles and bites he gives me once more. I have a feeling he will end up leaving a love mark, and I am just glad I won't be going to work for days to come so it won't matter. For a few minutes we just stand like that with him holding me as he licks and kisses my neck. I tilt my head, offering him more skin to explore, skin his tongue gently runs over.

His hand that has been caressing the planes of my stomach slides up again and cups my breasts gently. He starts to tease my nipples once again, making them stand out. He pinches one while letting go of the other and sliding the hand down over my stomach again. He push a knee gently in between my legs making me spread them a bit, before his fingers move to my folds. He starts to stroke me gently with a couple of fingers, circling my clit and spreading my slick wetness over it. He moves a single one into me, making me groan and push against his hand as his thumb finds my clit and applies pressure. He palms my breast again with his other hand and continues his sweet sensual ministrations on it, as I moan softly. I feel myself reach closer to the edge of ecstasy. I close my eyes and ride out the waves that wash over my body. He keeps caressing me and helps me ride it out, until the last few shakes go through my body. As he pulls his finger out of me but his thumb stays on my clit stroking it gently, sending a shiver through me. He kisses my shoulder again and scrapes his teeth against the skin before making a trail of soft licks up to my earlobe. He bites it gently and place a kiss on a tender spot behind it, one that always makes me sigh in pleasure.

"Can you still do it?" He whispers and I can hear a strain in his voice that almost makes me laugh out. It doesn't take more than mere seconds for me to catch what he means. It used to be a special position for us in showers. One I never wanted to do again with him post scandal. I never felt like trusting him enough again to not let me fall or not take me too hard or fast so it hurt. I am surprised that he brings it up now, but I guess he asks me in his own way if I trust him enough now. And to my genuine surprise I realize I do. He would never hurt me intentionally again, I know that. He wouldn't let me fall, not in this, not again. Much of what we have done the last 24 hours has been very different from any connection we had after I learned about Amber. I have let him make love to me gently and sweetly last night so why not this? The position he means is one we used to do a lot when I did yoga and tennis with other wives in Highland Park, one where I need him to keep me steady so I don't slip on the wet floor. I hope I can do it now. I think I can, though I haven't practiced either this nor yoga for years. So it is with a bit of tension I bend all the way down to place my hands on the floor for support. It is easier than expected, I don't need to bend in my knees but am able to stand with straight legs. I can feel a strain on the back of my thighs and it won't be the most comfortable position for me anymore. It would be easier if I bent my knees a little but I won't. I could do this once upon a time easily and I am firmly set on doing it again now. Even more when I hear him groan in appreciation, and help me spread my legs a little further leaving me more open for him. He rubs a hand along my most sensitive parts, and spreads my folds before he enters me in one fluid move. The angle the positions gives makes him slide deep into me and hit my g-spot right away. I moan deeply and appreciate how he waits a moment, letting me adjust to the stretch this is giving me, both the position itself and him filling me up. After a moment I wiggle against him and he starts to move slowly. With long deep and gentle strokes he fills me up again and again, driving us both to our release. He moves his legs so they are outside mine and presses mine together making the fit tighter. He continues to go deep in me and I can feel him hit deep in me with every thrust, I let out a loud moan of his name. I whimper when he pauses.

"Do you think we can still do _that_?" He asks and I groan a replay. I don't care what he means right now but when I feel him spread my legs again and take a hard almost bruising grip on one of my tights I know what he meant. I hope he is holding me and won't let me fall as I am not sure I have the strength in my arms I bend in my knees some and move my hands further out to I am more in a bridge position than before and I feel him hold my hip, his fingers digging into my skin as he lifts my other leg leaving me half hanging. He loops his arm around the leg and starts to move slowly in and out of me again. I am thankful he isn't attempting to lift my other leg as well. Though it might take some of the strain I am feeling off. He moves very slowly now and his hand is holding my hip and when my arms start to grow sore he loops that arm around my waist so he is mostly holding me. I know he won't let me slide and hit my head, so I relax and enjoy the fullness this gives me.

The fingers of one of his hands looped around me find my clit and rub it and though I don't need it to find my climax this sends me sailing right over the edge. I clench down around him and I can feel his warm release coating my inner walls as I milk him dry. He pulls out of me gently, and lowers my leg before helping me stand up again where after he turns me to give me a soft kiss.

**M-rated part done**

We manage to clean up and though drying each other off after the shower with thick warm towels basically has us right back where we started we still get dressed. After all it is getting near noon and Peter would like us to soon set sail and we still need to stock up on more water bottles and food, as well as filling the water tank. We do that together, I handle figuring out to buy us some food so we have enough while Peter fills the water tank. After that he starts to teach me how to handle a takeoff. It is fun, more so than I expected, even though I notice him correct more than one thing I have done wrong, though he doesn't say it. Just letting me stay in the thought that I am doing well. And I do think I am, at least I am not horrible at it. I listen to how he guides me and does it all to the best of my abilities. It isn't long before we are once again sailing and he starts to teach me how to set sail and steer. I take the chance to cuddle up beside him or behind him like I had wanted to do yesterday. Now after our deal I allow myself to take this pleasure. I place a sweet kiss on his cheek, and get a quick confused look in return.

"What?" I ask while pulling back a little. I notice him quickly checking our direction before glancing at me.

"You just confuse me..." He admits and I squint at him not completely sure what he means, but it doesn't sound like a good thing.

"How?" I ask, my voice growing a bit sharp and from the way he raises an eyebrow I know it was also sharper than intended. However he sighs.

"I just didn't expect _it._" He admits and I feel confused. I am not sure what he means at all.

"What didn't you expect?" I ask while wondering if I truly want an answer at all. He checks the direction again before looking at me. He takes one of my hands and places a kiss on my wrist while I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Peter?" I questions him and he sighs.

"I didn't expect this - you being openly affectionate. I didn't know that the arrangement included that." He explains and I look away and sigh.

"Do you mind it?" I ask wondering if he doesn't want that, if I have read him wrong when I thought we were on the same page with this.

"You know I don't. I am just surprised." He offers and I sigh and move so I can hug him from behind.

"I missed it..." I mumble and feel him stiffen and hesitate.

"What did you miss?" He asks and I sigh.

"This... I don't know how to explain it..." I sigh and inhale enjoying his masculine smell.

He doesn't say anything and I wonder if I am doing the right thing with this, _us_, once again. But it doesn't feel wrong, it feels great, actually better than I had ever expected.

"I feel lonely. I missed having someone. Each day I come home from work late to a dark house to eat and watch TV, work some more before going to bed, and getting up to do the same thing all over. I didn't feel the empty nest for real until Grace moved away as well. But even the last few years where she lived there she spend time with friends or her boyfriend all the time. The apartment almost feels too big for me to just live in alone." I admit and I notice him flinch, before he takes one of my hands and squeezes it.

"I get it. The governor's mansion when I still lived there was way too big for me. It makes one realize how much joy and life the kids give our homes right?" He answers and I nod.

"Yeah it does." I pause before continuing. "I don't have any real friends. I have work connections, and people that want something out of me. But I don't really have any friends. I miss having someone to talk to. Someone whose motives I don't need to question. Someone that understands and I can talk to about stuff." I tell him with a sigh and feel better from how he caresses my hand.

"You have Owen at least, right?" He offers and I groan.

"True, but it isn't the same. His advices are always terrible, though at least I get a hug once in a while there." I tell Peter who snorts in response, but doesn't say anything more for a few minutes. I close my eyes and move away from him a little so I can crawl up onto the bench behind him. My arms are slipping away from him and I do miss his warmth and am tempted to go back to where I stood before. But I don't need to move in the end as he takes a step backward so his strong back is once again right before me. I slip my arms around his shoulders and wrap my legs around him, as I rest my head beside his.

"You miss human contact..." He whispers and I sigh. Maybe it is better he thinks it is just that, than the truth starting to glare in my face, of how much I might actually have missed him. That it isn't about just any human contact it is about him, that a part of me has missed him terribly. My heart skips a beat at the realization. I place a kiss on the skin of his neck.

I don't say anything else but a soft smile starts to play on my lips as he takes my hand and places a kiss on the wrist. I just hug him a bit tighter while I enjoy the sail cuddled against his back, loving how the sun shines on my face but his strong body blocks the wind from me. The same smile that started to play on my lips as he kissed my wrist still there. If anyone had told me sailing on the Potomac with my ex-husband would make me happy and relaxed a week ago, I would have laughed at them, but sitting here I realize that is what I feel, and I for once don't try to question it, but just let it wash over me like the sun and wind.

* * *

_Hope you liked it... :-) _


	8. Chapter 8

_I am sorry for the wait but here you go chapter. I hope you are still interested... The chapter is strongly dedicated to Believe2612, for certain reasons and events included in this chapter, because of requests! _

_Also a huge thank you to my amazing beta Steffi! You are awesome and you know it! _

_I don't own the good wife_

* * *

**Chapter 8**

I still feel myself shiver as she slips in behind where I am standing yet again. She moves out enough that she is half standing half sitting before resting her head against me, something that seems to have become her favorite position. Her face is pressed in between my shoulder blades and she wraps her arms around my waist. I know she is shielding herself against the wind. I have yet to get completely used to this, though she has done it all day. Whenever I was seated or standing she always seemed to slip in beside me or behind me, cuddling up. I enjoy the closeness to her though it still shocks me a little even after asking her about it earlier.

I would lie if I said I didn't love it because I do. I can't remember the last time she was openly this affectionate with me. This Alicia isn't the one I saw my wife turn into after I betrayed and broke her, this is the woman I married so many years ago, the young intern I met and fell in love with. The girl who dared to go head to toe with me, though she was an intern and me an associate, the girl I gave a guy a bloody nose for mentioning in the toilet how he wanted to bend her over a desk. I didn't like anyone looking at her like that then, I never did, I am jealous and possessive enough to know this. I also know that caused issues with her more than a few times.

And as she cuddles up to me like this she is like that girl again and I feel like that man I was then. We had been young and falling hard and fast then. I swooped the legs away under her, and she stole my breath with each look. I knew I would marry her someday from the moment I met her. I had loved before but not like with her. It was different, she was the one I saw a future with, a life with. The one I expected to grow old with. The one to sit on a front porch and watch our grand or great grand children play in the garden with. But I had fucked it all up, thought she would always be there, had taken her for granted. Forgotten that I, not she, was the lucky one.

I had been testing the waters earlier in the shower, and I had felt incredibly relieved that she at this point trusted me enough to hold her and not let her fall in either position. Yet she had surprised me more after we set sail, where she had started this with cuddling up to me. She is generous in her kisses and touches. Lips that graze my cheek once in a while. Fingers that lace with mine when possible even now then she has her arms wrapped around me and I place one hand on top of hers she doesn't pull back. She said it was about missing human contact, but it is still surprising and shocking how she is being this openly affectionate.

She feels more like my wife right now than she did the last years we were married, and it is confusing to say the least. I knew when I agreed to her offer it meant sex and maybe pleasant talking like yesterday, maybe even sharing a bed. But I didn't expect it to mean this. I didn't expect it to mean that I suddenly seem to have my wife back in my arms. And not the wife that might have been with me but possible dreamed of Will Gardner in secret. No this isn't like that at all. She is different and I am feeling different too. I questioned myself more than once when she gave me yet another kiss if she was just toying with my heart again, or wanting to hurt me as much as I hurt her when I fucked Amber. But it doesn't seem like that, and I know her I can still read her and there seems to be no such thing behind it, it is genuine. Which doesn't make it any less confusing and frustrating. And yet I push away any frustration as I don't want to think about it. I just want to enjoy this and hold on to this time and the moments as long as possible. I love her and a part of me wishes we could stay like this forever, but I also know it isn't possible.

"Peter..." She mumbles against me and I caress her hand.

"Yes?" I ask wondering what she wants.

"Can't we rest out here for tonight? Do we need to find a docking place? Can't we just rest along the water?" She asks, and consider her idea. It is possible and I have done it. Mostly I have done it on completely open water, not on the river. But if I can find a place with enough depth and where I won't risk us running on ground too easily it would be possible.

"We can but why would you like that?" I ask and feel her shrug against me.

"I just think it could be nice, the weather is good today, and I figured we might be able to see stars tonight which would be better with none or little lights around." She explains and I nod, I get her point and a part of me wonders if staying out here on the water could maybe also mean a midnight swim with her, after our other swim yesterday became a flop I hope one today could go better. Not to mention maybe sleeping outside under the stars with her. I certainly wouldn't mind that.

"Okay... We have enough food stocked up and water so it is possible... want me to go in soon?" I ask, and the way her hand slides down to my thigh to squeeze it lets me know the other reason. I almost groan. Her fingers brush my erection as she moves her hand away again.

"Yes!" She whispers breathless, I want to turn around to look at her, and wonder what has turned her on now, but a part of me know it is the same that has me too. How she has cuddled and rubbed against me. So I start to move around, feeling sad that I have to leave her embrace. But I check to find a good place for us. It takes a good half hour before I do, and I move around to take the sail and set the anchors while also checking the depth of the water on the depth finder. So in the end it has been almost an hour from when she first asked about it to we actually have stopped sailing.

I return to her and I have hardly stepped up to her when she wraps her arms around my neck. I place my hands on her hips and pulls her in to me. I kisses her gently and languidly, tasting every corner of her mouth. She moans in the back of her throat and I feel her fingers slide down over my shoulders and the plains of my back to my shirt. It doesn't take long before she has them under it sliding over my bare skin before moving to lift the shirt up. I pull back and look into her eyes.

"Here?" I ask her a bit surprised she isn't even waiting for me to pull her downstairs, and to my surprise I see her nod.

I pull her back in and don't waste time in pulling her shirt off, enjoying her preference for lace bras. Lace that doesn't get to stay on her for long, because no matter how much I like her black bra I prefer her without it. So I take it off and drop it to the deck with our shirts. She is already getting a bit of a tan on her arms and neck and shoulders. And I like it, it suits her. I kiss her deeply again. _"How did I ever let her go? I should have fought for her!"_ flashes through my mind quickly. And a part of me knows I will do just that if I get the chance again now. It might be a gamble but the stakes are high, the chance of having her like this again and not just for a few days but maybe for real, will make it worth everything. I need to take that gamble at some point and confront her with the possibility of being an us again.

I already fear the day she needs to go back home, knowing it will be like torture to say goodbye. I need to take the gamble at some point. But right now I just want to kiss her and love her. And there is one fantasy that was clear in my mind the second I brought the boat, and started to sail it.

Because I would lie if I said I had never before fantasized about having her here with me, even though divorced I didn't just stop loving her, she has my heart. It was why a boat had become my companion instead of another woman. No other woman was Alicia, no interns or blond ethics advisers could measure up to her. Not even a few women I had met after divorce that could have been serious options, some which I had interacted with but it wasn't more than spare attempts on dating. They all just seemed to be more interested in my position, name and money than anything else. And though Alicia had in the last years we were married used both name and position to further herself it had been different. She challenged me, she wasn't just my wife she had in the past also been my biggest ally, even when fighting and split up she had come to me regarding the NSA, we had been allies in her run for SA, even though we were divorced. And all was just different with her. She had been my partner, wife, lover, best friend and ally some I had lost over time but even at the end of us my ally had stayed.

I strip her of her skirt, and she opens my shorts and pushes them off me. I quickly step out of them and she motions for me to sit at the bench, but I don't, instead I grab her around the waist and spin her around and pull her back against me.

"Trust me!" I whisper and she moans, while tilting her head, offering me her neck. I kiss the soft skin there while I gently guide her over to the steering wheel.

"Really?" She questions me.

"Indulge me!" I whisper against her neck, making her giggle.

"As you wish!" She answers and I freeze for a second, taking in what she has just said. She has to have done it by accident she can't have meant it like that. She simply can't. She has to have forgotten the meaning, and just let it slip in the teasing, have forgotten the stupid movie she once had me watching with her, forgotten that it became something I teased her with by saying it afterwards. She has to. I need to see her eyes so I stop us and tilt her head up so I can kiss her but also look into her mossy green eyes. They are soft, caring and filled with laughter and merriment. I desperately search for the emotion I badly wish to see in them, but I can't pinpoint it.

"Peter?" She whispers and I kiss her, cutting off her words, I pull back and move her in better position.

"Bend a little..." I guide her and she grabs the wheel and does as I say.

"Sure as you wish." She teases me again, the words making me flinch again for a second.

* * *

**M-rated part start**

I grab her hip with one hand and run the other along her slit, making sure she is ready. I spread the slickness along the folds and rub her clit a little, making her whimper softly.

"Please Peter..." She moans and I guide myself to her wet entrance, but I am not done with teasing her. So I rub myself up and down along her slit, getting lubed from her slickness. I tease her by rubbing the head of my hardness against her clit, making her whimper, before I slide it up again and rub it between the cheeks of her butt, making her push back against me.

"Peter!" She hisses and I slide myself back down again and push against her wet entrance once more, letting only the head slip in. I hold back groaning and it takes will power to not just sink all the way in. But I want to tease her to the edge from the start. She wriggles against me trying to make me go in deeper.

"Peter..." She hisses, and I can hear her frustration now.

"Yes?" I tease her, and am rewarded with a groan.

"No more teasing!" She demands, as she wiggles more against me, trying to push back against me but I hold her still.

"Who started the teasing?" I joke with her, and get a groan as response.

"Please..." She whimpers and I can hear the need in her voice.

"Please what?" I tease her more.

"You know what!" She groans, and I give in, I want to tease her but I want to bring her pleasure more.

"As you wish, Babe." I answer her, using the same line she has, wondering if she even gets the meaning, while I slide slowly deeper into her.

I groan at the tight wetness that surrounds me. I move all the way in letting her adjust before I start to move again with slow deliberate strokes. I make sure to hit deep in her with every thrust, something that grants me a soft plea for more from her. And I start to pick up my pace a little going a bit harder and faster in her. I hold on to her hips until I feel her push back against me with each stroke, then I move my arms around her so I can place my hands on top of hers where they are holding the wheel. It changes the angle a bit, something that she seems to like from the scream she lets out. I can feel her walls clench tightly around me like a vise as she screams and lets go. She clamps down around me, something that triggers my own release. I keep pumping in and out of her riding the wave out, as well as helping her prolong hers.

* * *

**M-rated part over**

* * *

I stay in her for a moment after making her stand all the way up. It is a bit unhandy with the difference in our heights and I slide a bit out of her. Yet I hug her into me and kiss her neck.

"Was that some secret sailor fantasy?" She teases me and I nod.

"Yeah it was." I admit and hear her giggle.

"Well Captain you better start thinking if there are any more of those..." She teases me and I freezes for a second before considering a comeback.

"If there is, would you be game?" I ask, and the way she links our fingers that rest on her stomach is already answer enough yet she gives me a verbal one as well.

"Now that you will just have to gamble on seeing."

We have gone downstairs and she is showering again while I have taken the chance to lay on the bed and close my eyes for a moment. I can hear her in the shower and do wonder if I should join her but decide against it. I reach over and pick up my tablet and start to read when I hear the sound of a cell phone. I glance around trying to locate my own only to find it wasn't that one. I drop it again and go back to reading. I can hear the water is turned off and the image of Alicia drying herself almost makes me get up to go and do it for her, but then the phone sounds again.

"Alicia... Your phone is ringing."I call out to her.

"They will call again if it is important. "she shouts back, and I get off the bed.

"This is the second time already. " I tell her and hear her groan.

"Urgh... It is in my bag can you grab it and find out who it is and say I will call them back in five minutes?"she asks and I have already started to locate her bag. The phone has stopped ringing only to start yet again. Whoever it is must really need her. I dig it out of her bag at last, at least I think it is her phone but the slim object that is silicone on one side and metal on the other, that I pull out is far from her phone. It looks like some kind of remote I stare at for a second before digging for her phone yet again. This time I locate it. In fear of missing the call I just hurry to answer it not checking the caller ID, something I regret the moment I answer it.

"Alicia why aren't you answering your phone when I call you! I thought we were past that!" I groan the second I recognize the voice. This will either be hilarious or I will end up giving my past campaign manager a heart attack.

"Umm it isn't Alicia..."I answer and wreck my brain to find an excuse for having her phone but come up blank. I can hear the gasp on the other end. I know he will be checking if he called the right number. I however start to wonder why he is calling Alicia.

"Peter?" he asks, clearly confused.

"Yes... Hello Eli." I tell him just as Alicia steps out of the bathroom naked, looking at me with a raised eyebrow. And I have to control my groan of appreciation over her naked form. I mime the word Eli to her and take in how her eyes widen in shock and the blush forming on her cheeks and neck.

"What are you doing with Alicia's phone?" Eli asks seemingly having gotten over the internal shock and inability to speak.

Alicia however motions with her hand for me to give it to her, as she pulls on a shirt of mine that were laying on the bed.

"You will get Alicia now." I answer him instead and pass her the phone and she takes it while she moves out of the room.

I can hear her answer him but try not to listen to what they say. Instead I take a seat on the bed again absentminded picking up the remote I found in her bag and start to play with it. I hope Eli knowing we are together won't ruin whatever this is or make her leave. Not when I want to fight for her, and I am not ready to think of her leaving at all.

I must have turned the remote on or something because suddenly it start to vibrate and from the weird sound coming from her bag it isn't the only thing. I know I shouldn't but I am too tempted so I start to dig around in it again and pull the vibrating device up. It takes a second for me to realize what it is. First I am honestly a bit shocked as I never in my wildest imagination thought Alicia would have something like this in her hand bag but then I feel amused. I play a little with the remote and take in how it works, before I turn it off again. I am about to drop it back into her bag again but then decide against it. Instead I take it and place it in a drawer of mine, it might come in handy later, after all she did mention my fantasies.

I have only closed the drawer when Alicia steps back in. I meet her gaze and take in the fatigue suddenly in them. It only takes a second for me to step over and pull her into a warm embrace. She curls into me without a word. For minutes we just stand there and I wonder what the call was about, and if she is okay. But instead of asking I just hold her and give her the comfort she clearly needs.

* * *

_So yeah a bit of "drama" by the end, I promise nothing too big or serious... just something I wanted them to deal with ;-) I hope you still like the story and are with me. Oh and the As you wish thing means I love you from Princess Bride. _


	9. Chapter 9

_I apologize before hand for a certain person dealt with in this chapter but as I wrote I realized he needed to be neutralized for certain later reasons as well. hope you will liek the chapter and what I did in it anyway. Also sorry it took awhile for an update._

_I don't own The Good Wife_

* * *

**Chapter 9**

I hang up after yet another phone call with a sigh. I suddenly feel ten years older again, and more tired than I have been since I first met Peter a couple of days ago. A comforting arm slips around my shoulder once more, and I turn to bury myself in the offered embrace. It doesn't make it all better, however it feels good that for once there is someone to hug me, offer me support as I'm troubled over work.

Peter strokes my back up and down. His fingers tangling in my still slightly humid hair, that I didn't manage to finish drying earlier. He lets his hand run through it, while rocking me a little. I melt further into him. I close my eyes and soak in the comfort he is offering me. I am still a little surprised over how easy it has been to grow so accustomed to his presence, tender words, hugs, kisses and sex again.

Surprised that it feels so good I am seeking it out, drawing him in, again and again. That I am kissing him whenever I can. I blamed it on having longed for and missed human contact like this, but for each hug and kiss we share it gets harder to just blame it on that, to deny that it isn't something purely related to him. Even more after the upsetting call from Eli. It wasn't exactly about something like world war III but it was enough trouble. Trouble that once more had me back to thinking of work. Trouble that needed to be dealt with. Trouble that by far outweighed Eli's shock and questions over why I was with Peter, and what was going on with us.

Peter had hugged me and been there right away, as I came back in after the first call. He had just held me and for once I had let him, not pushed him away. For once I had enjoyed him just being there, supportive and caring. Something I can now only wonder why I had such a hard time allowing him to do in the last years of our marriage.

Yes, he had hurt me, but Owen and even my own mom had also hurt me on different occasions and yet it had seemed like I had a far easier time allowing them to help me and be there again, not fully at first, but still more than Peter. I know it is about trust and blame. I had blamed him for destroying my world, and never really let him in again.

Now however he is almost helping me rebuild myself once more. Helping me gain power and strength to go on, helping me recharge. I realize I want as much of this with him as possible, I want every second offered.

"I made dinner, if you are hungry? I also have wine..." He offers as his fingers glide up and down my back again. I nod slowly. I am beginning to feel hungry. However I wouldn't have minded if he offered me a nap in his arms instead, even though I know I can't sleep now. I need to be ready at my phone for Geneva to call me back at any point.

"That sounds good..." I sigh and he nods and slowly we break apart. He lifts my face and our eyes lock and he bends to place a gentle kiss on my lips. I don't let it stop there but place one on the corner of his mouth as he starts to break away. The kisses we share are gently and teasing, not the deep ones that leave us panting for air. He much too soon for my liking backs away.

"Come on I set the table at the deck upstairs." He offers and is about to take my hand.

"Give me a moment to grab a sweater and a hair band." I tell him and he nods. I am surprised to realize he follows me into the bedroom and glance quickly at him, to check if he thought it meant sex. But the way he looks at me isn't about sex, desire and lust, however it is familiar and makes my heart skip a beat as I look down. He steps up to me and takes the hair band from between my fingers.

"Turn around..." He tells me and I do it no thoughts needed. I spin around and sigh as I feel his fingers run through the thick locks of my hair collecting it together, as he ties it up.

"There you go. Do you have your sweater?" He asks, and I grab it out of my bag. We had moved my stuff into his bedroom as well, there were no questions about it. We both knew we would share a bed for the remaining part of this trip.

"I do now..." I smile and he grins at me and places another peck on my lips before he takes my hand. Upstairs he has set a table with candle light for us. The food smells delicious and my mouth is starting to water. I place my phone beside me on the table with an apologizing glance but he makes a hand gesture, brushing it off. He has cooked some kind of pasta with duck breasts in and vegetables, and some sweet and sour sauce. It tastes as amazing as it smells, and I realize how hungry I actually am.

"So do you need to go home?" He finally asks after we have eaten for a few minutes in silence. I know from how tense and silent he has seemed since we started to eat that something is troubling him, but I felt nervous to prey. I fear if I start to do that it would be something about the two of us and what is going on. Now I look up and meet his eyes, he looks tired suddenly. More tired than I can remember seeing him yet at any point on this trip. I reach over to place my hand on top of his and am relieved when he interlaces his fingers with mine.

"Not yet..." I answer and he gives me a curt nod, before taking another forkful of his food. I sigh and lay my own fork down.

"So far, it is stuff I probably can handle over the phone and if possible a tablet or computer, by sending out a written statement." I offer and he raises an eyebrow at me, while squeezing my fingers.

"Is it about us?" He asks and I gasp looking confused before quickly shaking my head.

"No... nothing like that..." I tell him.

"Oh..." He sighs and glance away for a moment, before turning back to me. "What is it then? That is if you want to talk about it." He offers and I bit my lip for a moment while considering the offer. I take another bit of the food and as I eat it I think of where to start.

"It is this case we had. It is being brought up for appeal. The material I had been showed... I was so sure it was these two guys … so I set everything up for getting them sentenced for 1st degree murder at least one of them. You might have heard of it. The shooting at a park an Afro American guy and a Caucasian guy shooting and killing a father and his young son. It took place two years ago, while you were still Governor..." I explain and he nods.

"Yeah I remember. I met the wife Mrs Lewis I think it was. I was at the funeral. You were too... but I didn't get a chance to catch you... you were gone pretty fast after." He explains and I nod slowly.

"Yeah that one. Well everything pointed to that the Afro American guy, Jordan, was the shooter, that the other guy had been with him and had encouraged it but not shot at all. It was only the presumed shooter's fingerprints on the gun as well as his DNA from having sneezed." I explain and Peter nods.

"I assume it isn't the case anymore?" He asks and I shake my head.

"No, it isn't. Everything pointed to him as the shooter, even a witness we had... however Jordan's appeal is soon starting... and the call I got first was Eli telling me rumors were spinning around that the defense that has taken over the appeal is my old boss, Derrick Bond. You actually met him once, I think..." I glance at him to check he is following and he nods with a motion for me to go on.

"Well he took the case for the appeal. And now rumors are going, that he is set on a total dismissal, followed with a wrongful prosecution suit against the SA's office. Largely weighting in me." I explain with a sigh, and look at Peter. It somehow feels good to let it out and talk to someone about it. Someone that isn't directly involved and who knows me.

He sighs as well.

"Do you know what has showed up that can make him go for this? Or is that what you are trying to find out?" He asks and I nod with a sigh.

"Well Eli didn't know when he called me. He had only heard the rumors via some talk around... and wanted to give me the heads up, because as he calls it, it will be a scandal for me. It was one of the first really high profile cases I got after I was elected. If what they have is true, they can make it look like I was incompetent and I made a very wrong judgment call rather soon into the office, that I wasn't fitting for the job from the start, they will continue and go through my later trials I fear. More so they will play it as racial bias. From what Eli had heard, it seems like the argument would be that Andrew, the Caucasian, was really the one firing the killing shots. And I had gone after a black man instead... maybe even one who is innocent, or committing the crime under threat or something like that. We both know I had troubles with racial bias during the campaign, and this will be a chance to bring it back up." I sigh and Peter nods, he knows all too well about the issue during the campaign, where they took the chance to compare me and him. They brought up the racial bias within the SA's office under his time. And they brought up my inability to see between two different black colored men more than once, comparing us, and stating I would follow the same bias pattern as my husband. It was a hell and he more than once defended us both in the press.

"Was that why actually you promoted Geneva?" He asks and I shrug on my shoulders.

"That one was questioned a lot, if I did it for a political movement or because it was smart. I did do it because it was smart. I needed someone loyal and hard working. She might not have been your biggest fan and I know she was one of those accusing you of racial bias, pointing it out. But she was also one of those on your side while you were still in jail. And she certainly wasn't in either Castro's or Child's or anyone else's pocket. She had the experience, and I worked against her over the years and know she is smart and capable. It was her or Matan, unless I wanted to seem biased. So it became her." I explain and he listen to my explanation and nods again.

"That makes sense. It was just a surprise. But it makes sense. I thought you would have promoted your friend." He tells me, the word friend coming out a bit harsher than I like, and I squint at him, trying to read the meaning in his words.

"Who are we talking about?" I ask just as my phone rings and I glance at the screen, reading the name, with a sigh and my eyes flicker to Peter. I now have an idea who he meant. And I already fear the fight that might be coming after I end the call, after all it is far from optimal having to answer it right now, and certainly won't make things easier after.

"Go ahead Alicia...take it... I get it... it is about the case..." He offers while he takes another bite. I sigh, and close my eyes for a short moment. Before picking up the phone to answer it.

"Hey Finn... thank you for calling me back..." I answer and close my eyes from the darkness I see in Peter's eyes for a flicker of a second. I try to reach my hand out to him but this time he moves so my hand grabs nothing. I talk to Finn, asking him about the case. He and Geneva had both been on it. And I need to talk to them both now. I might want to replace him with Matan on the case. It will look and be a political movement, but it was one Eli mentioned I should consider, and Geneva mentioned it as well when I talked to her. Right now it is one I am debating if is smart or not. It is one that can both help and backfire at me if it really turns out the defense is right and I have gone after the wrong one of the two men involved, it will likely even backfire a lot.

I discuss the case with him, listening to what he has found in his notes. I am tempted to step away from the table, but I also know from the look in Peter's eyes that will only create more trouble. That it will maybe open for questions if he isn't allowed to hear what I say, not that he is, but he might consider it being for other reasons than confidentiality regarding the case. I'm doing my best to finish the call soon, ending it with asking him to email me the notes if he can. I tell him if they find anything else Geneva should call me right away, making sure I mention I will prefer it being her over him.

I place my phone back at the table, Peter is done eating and looking away. I take a bite of the now cold food, before sighing.

"Will you please look at me?" I ask and he glances over, and raises an eyebrow.

"He is on the case with Geneva... you heard the whole conversation." I tell him and he sighs and nods slowly.

"He was the one you wondered why I didn't promote him, right?" I ask and he rolls his eyes but nods.

"Because he didn't have the experience. Because it would have looked like preferential treatment." I answer, and I know it comes out the wrong way when he snorts.

"Because of your _personal_ relationship..." He tells me and I close my eyes and bite my lip for a second. I can feel the anger building in me, he has no right to say it. I know what we are entering is getting closer to the edge of a fight, one we have had so many times before. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over. And though Will might be switched for Finn, it is the same thing over. So I bite my lip, and try to remember the happiness Peter has brought me the last few days and how I don't want it to end.

"We are friends Peter... nothing else. And there has never been anything else. I know you saw the pictures back _then_ of him leaving my place. But it was because of the case. His case I was handling." I explain and he gives a curt nod.

"Well then all is fine isn't it? Do you want more food?" He asks, and it takes everything in me not to scream; "_I know everything isn't fine"_. Not at all. We never are when our talks ends like this. Sure it is better than one of us breaking up with the other or telling them we don't care or to get the hell out. But this isn't fine either.

"Peter, nothing ever happened between him and me... first of all I am not and never was interested in him _that_ way. As I said we are friends. Second of all he was hung up on his ex-wife, the mother of his son. They got remarried 6 months ago, she moved to Chicago from New York to be with him again. Giving them a second chance." I explain noticing his eyes widen at my words where after he looks down almost embarrassed, seeming a lot like a little boy being corrected. "I had drinks with them both last weekend..." I offer and takes in how he nods slowly.

"I'm sorry... It's just..." He breaks off and I look at him intensely. This is hard, but I have a feeling it is good for us, this honesty. Something I have never felt or desired in the past at least never since he destroyed my world. Sure sometimes small things were shared, but talking likes this, meant confronting so many things, things I hadn't been ready to face.

"That time..." He breaks off again, clearly looking for what to say, and I have an idea where he is going.

"After Will died, right?" I offer, while taking a deep breath and he nods.

"Yeah there... you allowed him to be there for you. He was in your bedroom, Alicia... and you wanted nothing to do with me... we talked a little about why you didn't want me to be there but..." He breaks off and I sigh.

"It still confuses you why I allowed him to be there right?" I ask and Peter nods.

"He tried to save Will, Peter... he dragged Will into safety while getting shot himself. You heard of all that from the medias back then... but it is the truth and I found out about it the day Will died from the judge. He was one of the last people Will saw while alive other than paramedics and Kalinda. He came to see me because I had promised to take his case. That day you found him leaving my bedroom, he came over to ask me if he needed to find a new lawyer. I felt bad because I missed his meeting with Castro so we talked, and I was too broken and tired to get out of bed. He shared some loss, he himself had in his past with me to make me feel better. And it felt easier to talk to him, to let him be there. Because I didn't feel judged for what I felt." I explain, and his eyes widen.

"You feel like I judged you?" He asks and I nod slowly.

"Yeah, not now, but back then I did... the things you said in the fight... and even before... I felt like you judged me for being broken and sad over the death of my lover." I explain with a sigh and he looks down.

"I guess I did, in some way at least... Like I said earlier: It was so hard seeing you hurting so much. But I also wanted to comfort you, even though I feared you regretted choosing me over him." he tells me and I give him an attempted smile.

"Maybe a part of me did... and did resent you for being my choice and for that I am sorry. Especially because looking back I also know it wasn't like that..." I start to explain, but break off as I hear what I am saying. It sounds horrible and I have no idea how to really explain it. I notice how he flinches and looks away. And that's it. I quickly get up and move to his side of the table and scoot in beside him. What I am doing is hard with the small space even more as I move to straddle him.

"Alicia?" he asks clearly confused, and not completely happy with my move.

I wrap my arms around his neck and turn his face so he is looking me straight in the eyes, as I have trapped him with my arms and legs.

"Right at that time I regretted it, because it meant a road not traveled closed forever. It meant that I would never see him again. It meant that he would never learn that he did mean something more to me than someone who gave me a job when I needed it. Someone I had no repercussions stabbing in the back, when I left trying to take the top clients, which is what he felt for months, not believing it wasn't meant personal in that way. Someone who later on had a war going with me, trying to take me down because he was furious over what I did. In New York we had a moment where we struck a sort of truce. I told him about Jeffery's dad considering switching to other law firms the day before he died. I was actually being approached to take over the case. His dad was originally my client while I still worked for Lockhart/Gardner..." I explain, and I feel Peter's hands coming to rest on my back where they curl into my sweater and he pulls me closer. I can read a lot of emotions on his face.

"If you had accepted..." He starts to say but breaks off, staring at me in shock and I nod, catching what he is thinking without it even being voiced.

"Yes... maybe, we can't know..." I don't get to say any more before he has pulled me into his arms. My head buried into the nook at his shoulder, as he holds me close.

I close my eyes and soak into his warm embrace. I'm grateful he seems to have calmed down a little and still wants me. Because I want him. The thought hits me like a cold shower. I want him, I mean I sort of knew I wanted the connection and to be like this with him. But the thoughts running through me now are different. They are about realizing if this thing with us ended right now I would be heartbroken. That I don't want to leave him, and I don't want to have him refuse me because of stuff from our past like, pain, hurt and unvoiced things. I curl into him clinging to him and place a kiss on his neck.

"I always regret my choices when it closes something forever..." I whisper. And feel him stiffen for a second before I add:

"I also regret the fight with you... because of the doors it closed..." I admit feeling him let out a sigh against my hair.

"Alicia..." He admits and I shake my head.

"Don't say anything just listen. I have never regretted being with you, never!... I resented and regretted that it suddenly meant there was no way back and it would always leave me wondering how it could have been with Will... But I explained it badly earlier, I never have and never will regret being with you." I whisper and take a deep breath before adding:

"I also regret always being left to wonder what would have been if we hadn't divorced. How we would have been then..." I feel him flinch and let out a deep breath. His arms holding me even tighter.

"Unless we found a way to talk like now I am pretty sure we would have been miserable in the long run." He admits and I nod. He is probably right, but it doesn't make the wasted years, like they seem to be right now, any less hard.

Sitting here in his lap all of those years ever since the scandal, do feel like a waste of time. I want to tell him how much this means to me, how much I am slowly realizing he still means to me. Sadly I have no idea how to say it without using the three words that terrify me because of the implications. How those words will leave me open to pain once more, leave me exposed and raw. They are useless anyway. After all in a couple of days I will be back in Chicago, and he will be in Philly or somewhere out on the water in his boat. There isn't a simple end in sight for me, I have been taught over and over that life isn't a fairytale, and the same is true now.

Even more so, there is a great chance he doesn't share what I might actually be feeling. After all I have given him enough reasons for a life time not to feel that way about me, to have let me go from that place in his heart, just like he has with me, I am just starting to fear I haven't let him go from mine at all like I thought I had.

I mean I am sure Peter wants me, sexually, and that he cares for me as well. He is jealous and still possessive, but some of that might just be leftovers from our past, our marriage, and not really about what he feels for me now.

I sit there in his arms not even thinking about getting up, I just want to stay there as long as I can. I hope and pray, Eli, Geneva, and Finn can handle things back in Chicago, so I won't need to go back for another couple of days. Because though I have a strange feeling each minute I spend with him will make a looming future goodbye harder. I think it's also healing us both in a way we haven't been able to heal in years. A healing we both need, just like I am slowly realizing we still need each other.

* * *

_So I hope you like the way I delt with jealousy and other issues for them in this. The case I mentioned won't really be of importance I am not even sure you will learn how it falls out in the end... maybe in a post story One Shot... but all can't be smooth sailing and it was needed for a few tropics of conversation I needed brought up, as well as a few issues I think can be political trouble for both Peter and Alicia... if there is a huge interest in it I will try and include more later but yeah unless if it is the majorty of my readers that one it isn't big on the aganda. _

_I hope you are still enjoying the story and with me on this! Let me hear your thoughts! _


	10. Chapter 10

_**This chapter is strongly dedicated to Believe78 for encouragement and ideas. Lots of stuff in it is based on her wishes. I hope you enjoy this Sunday treat! **_

_**I still don't own The Good Wife**_

* * *

_Chapter 10_

_Peter's pov._

I have no idea how either of us ever decided to get up from the bench where we had cuddled again. But we somehow did. We clean the stuff up from dinner together and I start to drag blankets and pillows out onto the deck while she puts leftovers away. As I come downstairs again and find her changing her clothes. I walk up to her and slip my arms around her from behind, pulling her into them. I place a line of teasing kisses on her neck making her giggle. Our talk at dinner hasn't made everything better, but I still feel it has eased some things up. Old stuff that lingered from our past. It is far from everything, but her explaining just a bit as well as actually answering to my worries over her and Finn are something new. I had been surprised with the story she told me of how he had gotten remarried to his ex, and how calmly she had described it. I had felt jealous there as well though for other reasons. Because I know there is nothing I would like more than to remarry Alicia again and have her be mine forever. A few days ago I might not have known how much but a couple of days with her have already me desiring it. I skim my hands along her sides, making her squirm and whimper my name.

"Lets go swimming!" I whisper against her skin feeling her stiffen in my arms.

"I promise to keep you warm and not disappear." I try to tempt her and she does lean a little back against me.

"I still don't have a swim suit..." She tells me as she moves her neck offering me her warm skin to kiss. And I take the chance.

"You don't need any..." I whisper as I nibble on the skin, making her moan. "Say yes!" I tell her while I cup a breast of hers, seducing her to give me the desired answer. She rolls her head backwards.

"Yes.." Sounds her sweet voice. I take in how she strips slowly and glances at me as I start to undress as well.

"Are you sure you won't rather stay here in the bed?" She offers and I shake my head though the offer is tempting. I hand her a towel to put around herself, feeling a bit sad it hides her naked form from my eyes. She glances at me as I quickly finish the task and I take in how her eyes flicker over me and she licks her lips. I have a hard time right there not saying screw it and just make love to her on the bed instead of swimming. But I don't. Instead I take her hand and guide her up and outside. I turn on a couple of lanterns and find the ladder and the life buoy. We both jump in - this time she doesn't ask me to stay on one side of the boat but instead swims over to me quickly. The water feels cold, but fresh.

Suddenly I feel a splash of water at my face and hear Alicia giggle. I try to look around, the moonlight is helping my sight a little along with the lanterns up on the boat. But still it is hard to make everything out in the deep darkness. I find her swimming close to me, laughing. I splash some water at her in return and the next moment we seem engaged in a water fight. It is dangerous and we both know it, so it never becomes too much. After all we are too far out to ever reach the bottom of the water. She pushes against me at one point and I press her down into the water for a second before pulling her up again. She wraps her arms around me and I kick hard with my legs to hold us up. Like yesterdays I manage to get us over to the life buoy. She wraps her legs around me and rubs against me gently as I lean down to kiss her. One arm clinging to the buoy. It is hard to practice and how she rubs against me nakedly turns me on but my arm is cramping and there is no chance I can do to her here in the water what we both wish to. She must realize it as well as she breaks the kiss.

"I guess this wasn't the best idea after all was it?" I ask making her laugh.

"Not really... let's just swim for a bit and we can continue this up on the deck." She proposes and I nod. We break apart and swim for a bit longer enjoying the water. We crawl up on the deck together and I grab the two towels and hand her one. But she doesn't take it. Instead she steps up to me and wraps her arms around my waist. Her skin is cold from the water and I pull her in closer, wrapping my arms around her. I run my hands up along her back while my lips finds hers. Her lips part under mine and I tease her lower lip before letting my tongue slide into her mouth and touch hers gently. I groan into her mouth as she sucks on my tongue teasingly. One of my hands slides down her back to cup her butt. She lets out a low groan as I guide her with me to lower her onto the blankets and pillows I laid out on the deck for us. I kiss a line from her cheek and down her neck, sucking gently on the nook of her neck.

* * *

**M-rated part start**

She is clinging to me and pushing up against me, wrapping one leg around me to get me closer, my erection pressing against her stomach seems to make me harder. My lips latch on to one of her nipples, sucking and pulling at it, gently making her arch her back and let out a soft groan. I move to the other side and kiss it in a similar manner. Her eyes are closed and her hands have left my shoulders and are running though my hair, holding my head to her breasts. She bucks against me and I slide a hand along her side and thigh. I caress her gently before I run my fingers over her inner thigh and find her center. She is slick with wetness and when I move my fingers over her, she lifts her hips, showing me how much she needs my touch. I circle her clit and move down to her entrance and spread her wetness evenly over her, making her whimper. My lips are still latched on to her nipple, but as I start to move further down she stops me.

"Not now!" Her voice is breathless and she is pleading with me. I push a couple of fingers into her, making sure she is ready, not that I doubt it but I don't want to risk hurting her, and the cold water we were just in could have made it harder for her to be ready this fast. She groans and thrusts her hips, meeting my fingers. I pull them out again and line myself up with her. I look into her eyes and she grabs my hands and laces our fingers before I enter her gently. I slide into her inch by inch, her eyes widen and she lets out a deep breath. I bend my head and kiss her. I just stay in her for a second, enjoying the feeling of being with her and not having to rush it. Enjoying that not at any point here has she begged for it to be over quick and fast. She moves her hips a little and wraps both legs around me, letting me slide a little deeper and the sigh she lets out tells me everything I need to know. I start to move gently in and out, taking my time. Our lips barely separate and when they do I rest my forehead against hers, at a point I let go of her hands and move so I can rest on one of my arms while I can caress her face and hair with the other. She presses kisses to my fingers and cups my face and clings to my shoulders. I don't up the pace, not even when her breath catches and I realize she is getting closer to the edge. It is like a warm wave that washes over us both when we finally reach our climax and I keep moving gently in and out of her, drawing it out as long as possible.

**M-Rated ended**

* * *

I pull back from her, taking one more look into the passion laced mossy orbs sparkling up at me. A smile is playing on her lips. I move and slip out of her. I change my position on the blankets so I can sit up a bit and pull her with me, into my arms, before I pull the blankets closer around us. I rest my head in the nook of her neck as she settles into my embrace. I can smell lingering traces of her or rather my shampoo in her hair, though it mostly smells of the river, and it makes me smile. I place a kiss on the wet locks and feel her lean more back against me. She is incredible, and sitting with her here I wonder why I ever let her go. My hands runs up and down her arms and she lets out a soft sound.

"Are you cold?" I ask though I hope she will be up for sleeping out here I don't want her to get cold in any way. She pulls my arms tighter around her and shakes her head.

"No, I am good." She answers and I know it is a lie but I pull her even closer and pull the blankets all the way up to our necks. She relaxes into me and I can feel how her breath is getting deeper.

"Sleepy?" I offer, and she shrugs her shoulders.

"A little. But it is okay. I like this." She admits gently, and I tense for a second, taking in her words, wondering what her "this" means. It is like she senses my unvoiced question as I can hear her sigh a little and squeeze my hand before whispering.

"Sitting here like this."

I press a kiss to her hair and try to fight the smile starting to beam on my face.

"I like it too." I tell her and lace our fingers. I can feel her grow more relaxed in my embrace and I scoot so we can lay down but keep holding her close. She rests her head on my chest. None of us is really speaking and now it isn't uncomfortable, but peaceful. Suddenly she points up.

"The stars are really bright out here. They are never that bright in the city." She admits, and I nod.

"Yes, you should see it in August. You can watch a lot of shooting stars all the way through the night. There is like a shower of them sometimes." I tell her, while lifting her hand from my chest and pressing a kiss to her fingers.

"It sounds beautiful. I would love to experience it." She admits moving a little so she can reach up and kiss me. I curl my fingers into her hair and deepen the kiss so when we finally break for air we are both panting. She scoots down to lay against my chest again. I don't know what comes over me then I say the next part.

"Maybe you can come out with me next year at that time." I offer her and for a second I feel her stiffen and I wonder if it is all lost in that moment of honesty but then she relaxes again, her fingers slide through the hair of my chest as she place a sweet kiss on top of my skin before looking up. Her eyes are huge but tender and caring. A smile is one her lips. A real one, one of those that light up her whole face and eyes.

"I would like that a lot." She admits before laying back down again, and I let out a relieved sigh. I go back to stroking her hair and shoulder.

"I missed you, I didn't think I would but I did... A lot..." She whispers breaking the silence between us and making my breath catch. I am thrilled and surprised she is the first to voice it between us, I hadn't expected that.

"I missed you too, Alicia. So much more than you can imagine." I tell her, and caress her naked skin with teasing and exploring fingers. She press another kiss against my chest and moves to look up at the sky again.

"I know..." She breaths out, and I feel my heart beat getting faster wondering what more she will say. But the next second she gasps and points up.

"Did you see that? A shooting star!" She laughs and I nod to myself while closing my eyes for a second. A wish forming in my mind, the only wish I could possibly have when I lay here with her and everything seems tranquil and peaceful. That this will never end, and she someday might allow me to call her mine again.

"What did you wish for?" She asks and I open my eyes. She has turned so she can look into my eyes but not moved away. She is basically lying completely on top of me, her head resting on her arms now folded across my chest. She is smiling and seemingly curious.

I grin at her.

"I can't tell you that, then it won't come true." She rolls her eyes.

"Sometimes you have to share wishes, hopes, dreams and desires to make them happen, and not just wish for them." She tells me and I sigh. On some level I know she is right but I also know her. In many ways I probably know her better than she knows herself. So I am sure if I tell her right here in this moment what my secret wish was, she will be gone. She will be running for the hills. Even though she has missed me and admits it, there is a huge difference between that and my wish for this here with us never to end. For her to someday be mine completely again and not just for a brief period, only like a second in eternity, but that I wish it will last forever instead. Wishing that she will someday be my wife, and partner in life again. That would scare her completely, and she would refuse it. She is strong but I know she is scared to let her guard down all the way, scared that I will hurt her again at some point. And I get it and I know in many ways I deserve it. After all I broke her once. What she doesn't know is I learned my lesson. And the last couple of years have been another one. This one, in how a life without her as a part of it feels. I already had a sense of that then we were separated the first time around. But there I still got to see her, though it wasn't always friendly or nice, I got to see her. She was still a part of my life. And now yes we still have two amazing kids together but that is it. We don't see each other or talked at all, Grace's graduation excluded, but that was it. And not seeing her, or hearing her voice at all were far worse than seeing her once in a while when I picked the kids up. I will never risk losing her again if I got one more chance.

I caress her cheek and look into her eyes and wonder if she can read my wish in my eyes, and a part of me believe she might have when she bows her head a little breaking our eye contact.

"What did you wish for?" I ask instead, not that I suspect an answer but it is still too tempting a question. She looks down for a second, her cheeks seemingly get a light shade of pink and I wonder what she could have wished for that made her blush. She shakes her head and glances up again.

"Didn't you just tell me I need to keep it a secret to make sure it comes true..." She shoots back at me and I nod.

"But you said wishes and desires needed to be shared to come true. So what did you wish for?" I ask again, raising an eyebrow at her and she looks at me for a moment without answering when she opens her mouth.

"I wished you would kiss me!" Her request isn't what I expect, far from it actually. I am also sure it is a lie and not what she wished for seeing the shooting star, but I am not one to refuse her request. So I pull her closer to me and press my lips to hers in a tender kiss. One that doesn't stay chaste as she opens her mouth and seeks to deepen it. I move us so I can roll us over to be able to kiss her deeply. My fingers run through her hair and tilt her head to gain the best access to her mouth. I break the kiss and leave us both with labored breathing. I rest my forehead against hers and our eyes lock.

"It wasn't your real wish was it?" I whisper against her lips and the way she lowers her gaze I know I am right on point. She bit her lip and I press a couple of kisses to her cheek and eyelids. And move lower to kiss her ear.

"I wished this won't stop." I admit to her and feel her gulp for air.

"I know... I did too." She admits in a soft voice pulling my head up, her eyes are shining and glimmering and I can see the barest hint of tears and fear in them, but it is buried under the tenderness and adoration I also read in them.

I kiss her gently, I don't know if she really wished for that as well or with the same meaning to it than mine but her admission there is enough for now. I want to tell her I love her, that I always have even when I was a bastard, I was her bastard in love with only her. But I don't, instead I just kiss her and pour every unspoken emotion into the kiss before pulling back and moving to hold her again. The way she moves and relaxes tells me how tired she actually is. And I am not surprised, not after what she told me earlier about the work calls. So I just hold her lying there on the deck, covered by blankets. I feel her breathing become deeper as she slips into the lands of dreams.

I press a kiss to the crown of her hair. And whisper the words I want to tell her more than anything, before I let sleep take me as well. Safely assured she is asleep so it won't make it awkward in the morning.

"I love you, Babe."

* * *

_Okay I will leave this chapter with asking what you thought? ;-) and if you still like it? _


End file.
